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HOW I AM AFFECTS HOW I WORK WITH OTHERS – REALLY!!

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in emotional intelligence, Excellent organisations, Leadership, Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Working smarter

‘I’ve always prided myself on being good at analytical/logical thinking, and when I was asked if I would like to go on a programme on developing my skills as a leader I thought I would learn to be even more logical and analytical. Half way through my first day all I could do was shake my head in disbelief.

We had spent the whole morning looking at ways I could make myself feel good and, although that was very pleasant, it felt both selfish and irrelevant to me as a leader.

The workshop facilitator persisted in looking at personal stuff for the rest of the afternoon, which was spent on how I think. Analytical? Nope! My intuition, for goodness sake! I haven’t used that since I was a child. I went home and told my wife that it was a most unexpected day. Two hours later she told me to shut up.

I was curious about the next day and had to admit I felt rather good about myself. As we began to explore what made a good leader I realised that I had what it took, but it wasn’t what I thought it was.

Since that five day session I think I have used about half of what I learned with Di – which is about 100%, at least, more than I have taken from other courses. It makes more and more sense, and it works. No, it really works.’

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Di says:

Adam spent the whole of the first day staring at me and shaking his head in disbelief. I could feel his gaze on me the whole time.

It’s a common reaction. At first many people think I am crazy. And I remind them that, when they do get themselves in a state where they feel good abut themselves, they are in a superb position to help others get more from their work.

Western society’s love affair with logical and analytical thought reflects a belief that science could solve all of our ‘problems’ This ‘logic’ breaks work down into boring and meaningless tasks, so that the work does not inspire and motivate, and ultimately the work gets done badly. Nice logic!

We have got to the stage in our culture where many of us think that work has to be boring, hard, stressful. If not, the story runs, we are not earning our money or our leisure time: “work hard, play hard’.

Homework

1. Enjoy your work today.

2. Give yourself some treats: stop and smell that flower, smile at that toddler, use your favourite soap, wear your favourite clothes.

3. Take a risk: go in after the traffic, leave your tie at home, leave your e-mails until you have spoken to everyone face-to-face

Enjoy your work today.

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Being Doing Having

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

Don’t we all say, sometimes: ‘If only I could win the lottery, then I could go on lots of holidays (or whatever our own dream is) and I would be happy. Yet every ancient philosophy in the world tells us that it actually works the other way round …. ‘If I choose to be happy, then I do things differently, and I can have anything I want’.

This is very challenging for our minds, which have been trained in the western culture of striving to attain. We almost want to make it impossible to achieve our dreams, because that proves that we were right – only the lucky ones can do that, and they are very few.

Yet at a gut instinct level, we all know that when we are feeling good, we respond to things differently, and the world seems to work better for us. It seems worth experimenting with, since we are, most of us, not about to win the lottery! What would happen if you decided to be happy today?

Homework :

Choose to be happy today, and just notice what happens.
Act as if everything is working well for you for a day, and notice what happens.
At least, practise smiling for a day, and notice what happens!

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Life is a bitch and then you die, or: Life is a beach and then you fly

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

I was reminded again recently of how powerful the culturally given beliefs are – you know, those things we know are true, because things happen which reinforce them. For example, we can probably all find evidence in our personal experience that people are not to be trusted, or that the world is not a fair place. It is interesting to notice that we can also find evidence that the opposite is true. Most of us have experienced people being trustworthy, or something which felt very fair and just.

The evidence we choose to notice will affect how we expect others or the world to be. It really is our choice: evidence for all beliefs is there for us, otherwise no-one would believe them!

And have you noticed how we tend to get what we expect? This is because we give off an unconscious message that tells the person how we are viewing them, and nine times out of ten, they “play the game” and respond how we expect them to.

So why make life harder than it already is? Decide to believe what is more useful to you, and start collecting evidence!

Homework :

1. Next time you need help from someone, assume that they will be helpful. Imagine them being open to your request, and see what happens.

2. When you come across someone who is optimistic about life, find out what they believe about people, and about how the world works. Deliberately look for evidence which supports their belief. (If you are already optimistic, list some of your own evidence).

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Prejudices

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking

It was World Aids Day yesterday and I was collecting for Aids charities and giving out red ribbons. The city was very busy with people doing their Christmas shopping, so it would seem as if it were a good time to be collecting for a cause. And of course there were many people who gave generously.

But there were also many people who studiously avoided us, and even some who made the effort to come and tell us that we were ‘doing the devil’s work’ to cite one of them!

It made me think about our prejudices – the way we make a judgement about something on relatively little information and refuse to consider any further evidence.

We all have prejudices, and some of them are useful, because they incline us to be kinder or more thoughtful. But we need to remember that the world is full of people who are different from us – not better or worse, just different.

It is the Christmas season, the season of goodwill towards all. For the next few weeks, let’s just check out if our prejudices are useful, and if not, perhaps we can suspend our judgement for long enough to offer some goodwill towards someone who we would normally have judged as not good enough in some way…

Homework

Buy a copy of Big Issue next time you pass someone selling
Smile at someone you work with who has always evoked a negative prejudice in you.
List your useful prejudices and use them!

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Having Enthusiasm

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Working smarter

Have you noticed how infectious enthusiasm is? We all respond to someone who obviously has put their heart and soul into something rather than just their intellect.

The word enthusiasm originally means ‘inspired by God’ or ‘the God within’. This may sound off-putting to some of you, but it captures well the sense that enthusiasm is heart- or spirit-based, and therefore appeals to us at a deeper level.

An example I came across recently is of someone who works for Virgin airlines. She is a member of the ground crew, doing an apparently ‘ordinary’ job, yet she talked for half an hour of how much she loves what she does and whom she works for. She saw her job as important to the company’s success, and gave her all to it willingly, because the company also made sure that she was cared for, and had her own life as well.

To invoke enthusiasm in others like that, we need to ensure that they feel valued and important, and that their individuality is appreciated.

To invoke it in ourselves we need to find what makes our heart sing in our work, and build on that.

Homework

When are you enthusiastic? Look for what makes your heart sing at work.
When do you encourage others to be enthusiastic? Look for opportunities to make others feel valued and important, and cared for.

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Remembering

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness

We think of remembering as being linked to the past, but the word really means putting the pieces together – re-membering.

Spring is a great time to remember – to look at what you have and what you need to bring back together again. Nature is doing that right now. Plants you had forgotten about are showing their heads above ground again, and delighting you with their re-appearance.

We can do the same. What, during the long winter, has slipped away from your life? It may be walking out in the air and taking a breather, or it may be visiting with friends, or it may be allowing yourself to dream, to believe in possibilities.

As nature re-balances and grows itself again, so we need to re-balance ourselves, and grow our lives, our dreams

It doesn’t matter what level it is on – life-changing or just a simple way of enhancing your everyday – it’s a good time to re-member it!

Homework

Take 5 minutes to think of something simple which has lost its place in your life and then do something to bring it back in – make that phone call, take that break now.
Think of something that matters to you about the balance in your life and find a simple way of regaining some balance
Think of something you want to grow in your life, and plan the first steps.

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Helping Other People

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others

We have all been encouraged to be helpful to others, and we often do this by trying to ‘fix’ things for them, and give them solutions to their problems. Our intentions are good, but we don’t always prove to be as helpful as we intended.

What we forget is that what would work for us won’t necessarily work for someone else. For example, I am planning to have Christmas holiday in the sun, and haven’t yet decided where to go. As soon as I mention it, people offer me suggestions, before they have any idea of my criteria for a holiday.

It sounds as if I am being dismissive if I ignore their ‘helpfulness’, but actually most of their suggestions don’t take account of my preferences and circumstances. They are suggesting what they have enjoyed, or would like to do, in the context of their own circumstances.

What their suggestions do give me is the opportunity to clarify further my own criteria. If I don’t find their idea appealing, what would appeal? And if they asked me about my criteria for a good holiday first, then their suggestions would be more directly helpful.

How often do you try and fix other people’s problems? Most of us do it, at work and at home, so this is just a reminder that we could be genuinely helpful by not suggesting a solution. Instead, we could help the person to clarify exactly what would work for them by asking questions such as:

‘What would make this feel right for you?’

‘How exactly do you want this to be?’

‘What would help you to find the solution to this?’

Homework

Next time you want to solve someone’s problem and help them, ask them questions instead of giving an answer.

Before you ask someone for their help, tell them exactly what you mean when you state the problem, and what you want from them.

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New Year’s Resolutions

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

At this time of year we all tend to think about New Year’s resolutions even if our choice is not to make any! We are often put off by the fact that we have failed to maintain them in the past, and therefore want to avoid ‘failing’ again.

What if we were to approach it in a different way? After all, it is a natural inclination in human beings to want to be continually improving ourselves, so the principle is a good one – perhaps we just need a more effective way of achieving it.

My proposal is this.

Start by imagining that you are at the end of the year, and feeling good about yourself.

Now answer the following questions:

What have you continued to do well this year?

(Examples might be: give myself regular treats; spent good time with the children; done my job well; had exciting holidays)

What have you done even better this year?

(Examples might be: gone home at a reasonable hour more often; gone for a walk at lunchtime more often; paid real attention to family and colleagues more often)

What have you started to do better this year?

(Examples might be: begun to get fitter; eaten more healthily; kept my work in perspective more)

What have you learned more about this year?

(Examples might be: how to use my common sense at work; how to be a good father; how a different culture works)

What helped you to achieve these things this year?

(Examples might be: putting the list on the side of my computer to remind me; keeping my targets achievable; getting support from friends/colleagues/family)

Homework

Try this out – and make it fun!

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Inside Out

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

Have you noticed how your mood and state always seem to be how the world is at that time? When we feel good, the world seems full of good news and friendly people; when we feel down, there is always more to be gloomy about!

This is no accident of fate. It is about what we are using to filter the possible information around us. When I feel low, I have on the ‘reasons to feel low’ filter, so I notice lots of them.

It makes sense, therefore, to always work ‘inside out’. That means I work on me first, then start looking outwards. If I can change my mood, I will change what I notice, and will be able to have a more positive impact.

Homework.

Notice how the world reflects your mood.
Give yourself treats to make you feel good, and notice how the world also feels easier to handle.

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Being a Customer

By Di Kamp on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Working smarter

I have recently been working on a proposal to help an organisation become more customer focused, and it has really made me think about the other side of the story – the customer. My conclusion is that we all need training to be good customers, not just to treat customers well!

Most of us are passive victims as customers, whether the responsiveness to us is good or bad. Yet with a little pro-active effort on our part, we can often change our experience for the better.

For example, smiling, saying hello, saying thank you, all make a difference to our server and take little from us. Imagine for a moment that you are that server. You have to be pleasant all day/evening to the unresponsive and unsmiling creatures most of us are – wouldn’t you get to the point of being unresponsive? On top of that, you maybe have a boss who never praises you, and doesn’t appreciate what you do – are you sullen and fed up yet?!

We can help people to want to serve us with a genuine smile, by treating them well, by making them feel noticed and valued. And if they do make an effort for us, we can appreciate it, rather than only commenting if we have a complaint. Let’s have a ‘Being a Good Customer’ week!

Homework

Smile and say hello to 5 people who are in some way serving you this week, even if they don’t respond.
Thank anyone who serves you well this month, and maybe write a letter appreciating their service to their boss.
Apply the same principle to those who ‘serve’ you at work – your colleagues, and those from other departments who help you to do your job.

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