Tag Archives | useful thinking

EVERYTHING CHANGES

By on June 11, 2003 in Leadership, relating to others

We may be pleased or sad when we move from one stage to another with something in our lives, but more often than not, we relegate the experience to the past. This is great, so long as we have taken the time to first appreciate what we have just been through.

Whether the experience was bad or good, we will have gained something from it. So to stop and ensure that we really recognise the ‘treasure’ we have gained from it is vital, if we are to be truly learning and growing in our lives.

Often in business, we try to rush people into the future, without giving them a chance to recognise the value of the past. I think we have a fear that they will get stuck in the nostalgia and resent the changes even more. Yet paradoxically, the reverse tends to be true. If you give people a chance to consider what they have gained from what is now passing out of their lives, it gives value to what they have done, and helps them to move on more naturally and more confidently.

It is a natural process, just like the leaves on the bulbs dying back to feed the bulb ready for a new flowering next year.

So encourage your teams to gather the treasures from their past, as they move into new phases, and ensure that you do the same for yourself.

Homework

  1. Think of a phase in your life that has now passed. Spend a few moments recognising what you gained from that phase of your life
  2. Next time you are working with your team on something that is new for them, spend a little time at the beginning getting them to recognise how what they are now leaving behind has been valuable for them.

 

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‘THE AWKWARD ONE’

By on March 11, 2003 in Leadership, relating to others

You know what I mean – the one who won’t participate, who doesn’t want to be there..

We all have these sometimes, when we’re working with groups. And it is easy to take them at face value, and hope you can get away with either ignoring or containing them.

But I was reminded again this week of how important it is to go behind that behaviour, and remember the human being. We had someone who really didn’t want to be there – it was irrelevant to her, and a waste of time, she said.

And we listened, and realised that it was driven by a frustration of long standing – she had expressed her ideas for improvement before, but no-one had ever taken them seriously. As it happened, we had senior managers coming to hear this group’s views. She was encouraged to speak out, and once the bit of moaning had gone through without rejection, she began to speak passionately and articulately about her plea for being treated as a sensible, committed grown-up. It was moving and powerful, and we know that, this time, something will happen as a result.

She could so easily have been sidelined. Thank God, we remembered that awkwardness is a symptom not a cause!

Homework

  1. Next time you have an awkward one, just take a little time to listen and find out what’s really going on.
  2. And when you feel like being awkward yourself, in meetings you attend, experiment with tracing it back and explicitly stating what’s really going on with you.

 

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BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

By on March 7, 2003 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves! We have all been well-trained in being critical, and we are great at turning that ability on ourselves. So we notice what we haven’t done rather than what we have done in a day, or we beat ourselves up for saying the wrong thing instead of remembering how often we say the right thing.

I bet you not only criticise yourself, you also sometimes reject praise or compliments by running yourself down! I know I can say things like, ‘ Oh it’s really someone else’s idea’, or ‘ no, I don’t look good today – your eyesight is obviously not as good as it was!’ This is not just insulting to the complimenter, it is also a less than useful message to yourself.

All this is telling ourselves that we are no good, and that is a lousy message to give anyone! So I want you to consider another possibility. Just for a while, imagine that you are your best friend. I bet the description of you would be different if they gave it! Friends are kinder to us than we are to ourselves, and they set us a good example of how we deserve to be treated. When we are treated kindly, we don’t get arrogant, we get even nicer! It reminds us of us at our best, and helps us to be like that more often.

So why not decide to be your own best friend for the rest of the month?

Homework

  1. Spend a few minutes describing your characteristics as if you were your own best friend.
  2. At the end of each day, find something to praise yourself about
  3. Next time you criticise yourself, remind yourself to be kind to you!
  4. Dare to give yourself a present for being such a lovely person!

 

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VITALITY

By on March 6, 2003 in health+well being, Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Resourcing yourself, Ways of thinking

The sun is shining this morning as I write this, and if I were a child, I would know that it was a wonderful day.

Yet as an adult, my view of the moment is coloured by all the other things I am told about how the world is working, through the news, magazines etc. so rather than celebrate the glorious day, I can easily get caught up in the difficulties and doom and gloom and forget to just live today.

Who has it right??

It seems that we normally need a life threatening event to wake us up to the beauty of the moment by moment of life, but there is no rule that I know of that says that we have to wait for something traumatic to be able to really appreciate and delight in being alive.

When I was little, I went to Sunday school, and I can still remember being told that I should count my blessings each day. What a lovely concept! And over the years, I have come to understand how useful that can be. We always have a choice: to moan about all the things that are wring, for us personally and in the world in general, or to count our blessings. Which makes me feel better? Which makes me more able to handle whatever comes my way? The answer seems so obvious!

I went to see Bruce Springsteen perform this week. I had a bad back, and could have made it worse by standing in a stadium with thousands of others. But I knew better. I knew that there are few better cures for feeling miserable than to go and be inspired by the sheer joie de vivre of this performer! For three hours, I danced, sung and laughed with delight, as he took us on a journey of celebrating being alive.

As Bruce would say: ‘ How can we get this thing started? Let’s have a party!’ So come on, count your blessings and celebrate being alive!

Homework

  1. Stop for a moment and count your blessings today
  2. Find four things to delight in today
  3. Give yourself a present today
  4. Do this every day for a month, no matter what is going on in your life

 

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TAKING STOCK…. IN AN INSPIRING WAY!!

By on February 10, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Ways of thinking

This month’s workshop is about taking stock. I don’t know about you, but I am very good at reviewing, targets, goals, objectives and ultimately my work plan. It’s a necessary process and what I have found over the past couple of years is that my tendency can often be to notice what was missing last year, and what do I need to change to make it better.
I often find it to be a bit of challenge, and what gets lost is what I did actually accomplish.
So this workshop is focused on taking stock with inspiration, doing the same process but actually really seeing and owning what I have achieved, so that I can walk away with a real sense of purpose and renewed enthusiasm.
I suggest taking a blank sheet of paper or a notebook to write down any insights or thoughts that occur to you as you complete these exercises. Have fun!!!
1. List out the areas in your work that are the most important to you. (for example, financial success, relationships, contribution, etc.,)
Take this list and prioritise it.
2. Spend a few moments and write down 3 accomplishments in each area, and be specific. An accomplishment is something that you know for you or another person made a difference. It does not need to be a big thing, it just needs to be important to you.
3. Ok now the fun part… tell at least 1 person about them. This is very important, why? because we all deep down love to be recognised and to know that what we do makes a difference. Actually telling another person allows you to really own it.
4. Now review your list and assess what do I want to keep doing, what do I want to take out and what can I replace it with.
5. Complete the process by writing down 1 specific goal and 1 specific accomplishment for each area that you identified in step 1.
Make sure that you share these with at least 1 other person.
Review the list every 6- 8 weeks to check your progress.

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THE TROUBLE WITH MONEY

By on January 3, 2003 in emotional intelligence, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

Do you ever worry about not having enough money?  For living, for that holiday, for retirement ……  I know, I can sometimes get caught in the scarcity fears – by the way, if you don’t, please let us know your “secret”?!!

Yet I know that when I think poor, I am poor, and when I think abundance, I notice abundance.  Does this make any sense to you?

We are taught to regard money as the means of being wealthy in our culture, and also to always feel as if we don’t have enough.

Yet we live in an abundant world, where happiness comes from snowdrops flowering, not from money in the bank.  Snowdrops herald the arrival of Spring, first signs of new growth. Money in the bank causes us anxiety, as interest rates go down and it loses value even when we have it.

What would happen if we decided to be rich and enjoy the abundance of the world, instead of worrying about money?  Maybe then it would be put back into perspective.  It’s one of many forms of energy that we can share in.  Perhaps if we paid attention to some of the others, we would reduce the fear, and allow the money we need to come our way!

Just as the fear of losing a relationship can often be enough to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps the fear of not having enough money is the reason why so many of us seem to not have enough!

Why not experiment with putting money worries to one side for a month and instead enjoy the abundance of new growth in Spring, laughter with friends and the exuberance of children?

Homework :

  1. Buy yourself a small present to make you smile, no matter how poor you feel this month.
  2. Notice what makes you happy that doesn’t require money.
  3. Bless what money you do have and then give a little of it away!

 

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BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN YOURSELF

By on December 11, 2002 in Living fully, Resourcing yourself, Ways of thinking

When was the last time you felt really good about yourself? It is so easy to be self-damning, and so much harder to be self-congratulatory! And somehow in our culture we think that it is a good thing to run ourselves down. I can remember as a small child being told that just because I was a good speller didn’t mean that I should get bigheaded – but I wasn’t! I was just proud of my ability to spell…

Those who make the best of themselves know intuitively that they need to build on their strengths to get even better. They notice their own good points, and see how they can use these to enhance their not so good points. Just as we all thrive on positive feedback from others, we also thrive on positive feedback from ourselves!

So this month, why don’t you start giving yourself some feedback!

Homework

  1. List 10 things you are really good at. It doesn’t matter what they are – work-related or personal
  2. Each day notice 1 thing you do well and remind yourself of how you did it
  3. When someone thanks you for something, or gives you positive feedback, don’t dismiss it – say thank you and revel in it!
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Appreciating Difference

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others

As we start a New Year, we usually all resolve to do something different. Most of the time, our resolutions are about being a better person in some way.

For me, a speech given by Bill Clinton as the Dimbleby lecture made me think about how judgmental we can be. It is so easy to, as he said, ‘put people in boxes’.

I have seen and spoken to a variety of old friends this Christmas. Some of them are housewives, some are chief executives, and some have still not decided what they want to do with their lives. They provide me with plenty of opportunities to put them in boxes: good/bad use of their talents; boring/interesting; as they were/changed – the list goes on and on.

But whatever it is that they are doing or not doing, they are all special human beings. And if this is true of so many different people that I know, perhaps it is true of those I don’t know so well.

So my New Year’s resolution is to be more appreciative of the value of people’s differences, and to delight in our common humanity. It’s easy with some, and harder with others, but it is undoubtedly a great way to change the world a little more!

Homework

  1. Look at yourself and notice where you judge yourself to be lacking in some way. Now appreciate that quality in yourself – it makes it easier to do the same with other people.
  2. Take 3 people you know and identify what makes them special
  3. Smile with an open heart at the next person you see whom you have judged to be deficient in some way

 

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Life is a bitch and then you die, or: Life is a beach and then you fly

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

I was reminded again recently of how powerful the culturally given beliefs are – you know, those things we know are true, because things happen which reinforce them.  For example, we can probably all find evidence in our personal experience that people are not to be trusted, or that the world is not a fair place.  It is interesting to notice that we can also find evidence that the opposite is true. Most of us have experienced people being trustworthy, or something which felt very fair and just.

The evidence we choose to notice will affect how we expect others or the world to be.  It really is our choice: evidence for all beliefs is there for us, otherwise no-one would believe them!

And have you noticed how we tend to get what we expect?  This is because we give off an unconscious message that tells the person how we are viewing them, and nine times out of ten, they “play the game” and respond how we expect them to.

So why make life harder than it already is?  Decide to believe what is more useful to you, and start collecting evidence!

Homework :

1.       Next time you need help from someone, assume that they will be helpful.  Imagine them being open to your request, and see what happens.

2.       When you come across someone who is optimistic about life, find out what they believe about people, and about how the world works.  Deliberately look for evidence which supports their belief.  (If you are already optimistic, list some of your own evidence).

 

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New Year’s Resolutions

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

At this time of year we all tend to think about New Year’s resolutions even if our choice is not to make any! We are often put off by the fact that we have failed to maintain them in the past, and therefore want to avoid ‘failing’ again.

What if we were to approach it in a different way? After all, it is a natural inclination in human beings to want to be continually improving ourselves, so the principle is a good one – perhaps we just need a more effective way of achieving it.

My proposal is this.

Start by imagining that you are at the end of the year, and feeling good about yourself.

Now answer the following questions:

  1. What have you continued to do well this year?

(Examples might be: give myself regular treats; spent good time with the children; done my job well; had exciting holidays)

  1. What have you done even better this year?

(Examples might be: gone home at a reasonable hour more often; gone for a walk at lunchtime more often; paid real attention to family and colleagues more often)

  1. What have you started to do better this year?

(Examples might be: begun to get fitter; eaten more healthily; kept my work in perspective more)

  1. What have you learned more about this year?

(Examples might be: how to use my common sense at work; how to be a good father; how a different culture works)

  1. What helped you to achieve these things this year?

(Examples might be: putting the list on the side of my computer to remind me; keeping my targets achievable; getting support from friends/colleagues/family)

Homework

Try this out – and make it fun!

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