Tag Archives | emotional intelligence

BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN YOURSELF

By on December 11, 2002 in Living fully, Resourcing yourself, Ways of thinking

When was the last time you felt really good about yourself? It is so easy to be self-damning, and so much harder to be self-congratulatory! And somehow in our culture we think that it is a good thing to run ourselves down. I can remember as a small child being told that just because I was a good speller didn’t mean that I should get bigheaded – but I wasn’t! I was just proud of my ability to spell…

Those who make the best of themselves know intuitively that they need to build on their strengths to get even better. They notice their own good points, and see how they can use these to enhance their not so good points. Just as we all thrive on positive feedback from others, we also thrive on positive feedback from ourselves!

So this month, why don’t you start giving yourself some feedback!

Homework

  1. List 10 things you are really good at. It doesn’t matter what they are – work-related or personal
  2. Each day notice 1 thing you do well and remind yourself of how you did it
  3. When someone thanks you for something, or gives you positive feedback, don’t dismiss it – say thank you and revel in it!
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CREATIVITY AT THE SOURCE OF BUSINESS

By on November 10, 2002 in Ways of thinking, Working smarter

For many years, especially in the early days of running a small business, I never quite saw the link between creativity and my work. Creativity for me meant paint a picture, do a drawing, mould a piece of clay, even perhaps do a bit of singing.  Then I started to discover that when I actually did something creative, work and my business seemed to flow that much easier. Here is another paystub maker online review which might help your business.

I started to question for myself what is creativity and saw that in actuality that creativity is full self-expression. It takes many forms and is a natural extension of our gifts.  In coming to accept this realisation, I could begin to clearly see the link to the work I was doing. My work and the business I had created were my way to contribute and share that with others.

The more I accepted the concept that my creativity is my unique self-expression, I found myself with a magical way in which to clearly set my vision, values and actions for starting and maintaining a viable, sustainable business, and the more I allowed and activated my creativity the easier it became.  One of the most helpful exercises I did was to actually define for myself what CREATIVITY meant to me, choosing words that inspired and energised me.   It has become a powerful way of reminding myself of who I am and how to BE in relationship to my business:

C  Clarity

R  Release

E  Ease

A  Action

T  Timely

I  Insight

V  Vital

I  Inspired

T  Transform

Y  You

Homework:

  1. I invite you to take some time to discover the meaning of creativity and what it means in your life and your business.  Take 5-10 minutes of quiet time to remind yourself as to why you started your business.
  2. Write down what creativity means to you, where is it present in your life, where has it made a difference.
  3. Ask yourself where has the use of my creativity really helped in a work situation.

Take the word Creativity and choose powerful, inspiring words to spell it out, then post it somewhere to remind you.

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THE LEADER IN ME SHINING THROUGH

By on September 10, 2002 in Leadership, Self awareness

Several years ago, I helped a university prepare for a degree course in leadership, which was to be the first of its kind in the UK.  My involvement meant that I became interested in the subject of leadership and well read in studies of great leaders.  As well as satisfying my interest in the subject, I was keen to discover what I could learn to improve my style.  What were the elusive qualities that would turn me into a great leader?  The trouble was, the more I read, the more elusive they became.

My work at Meta brings me in touch with many leaders and I see daily examples of leadership, both good and bad.  Whilst I still read about leadership, I have, at last, come to realise what the elusive ingredient actually is and why I, nor others, can ever replicate it.

Great leaders excel in being themselves.  Their qualities and beliefs shine through and captivate others.  People recognise their honesty, consistency and integrity in what they do.  When there is this congruence, people are able to connect with the leader’s purpose, what they stand for and what he or she is striving for.  It all makes sense.  In an uncertain world, the good leader offers some certainty that people can understand and choose to follow.  So we no longer need to strive to be like other leaders or to become excellent in all the leadership “competencies”.  We just need to understand what qualities we possess as leaders and allow these to shine through.

So I want you to think about your own qualities as a leader…

  1. Ask yourself what you are proud of about yourself and how you lead?  What is it that people say about you that they like and admire? Is it your sense of purpose, your doggedness, your humility, your sense of humour, your ability to tell a story, your vision….
  2. How do you demonstrate these qualities as a leader?  Are there some that you tend to suppress?  How are you going to show people more of the “real you”?  When people see you shine through, the more they will trust your integrity and purpose and the more they will respect you as a person and as their leader.
  3. Spend some time thinking about leaders that inspire you.  What qualities do they have that you admire?  Can you learn to develop some of these in a way that will become natural for you?  Take your time, don’t rush.  After all, you don’t want your light to shine less by trying to be in someone else’s shadow!

 

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HOW I AM AFFECTS HOW I WORK WITH OTHERS – REALLY!!

By on September 4, 2002 in emotional intelligence, Excellent organisations, Leadership, Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Working smarter

‘I’ve always prided myself on being good at analytical/logical thinking, and when I was asked if I would like to go on a programme on developing my skills as a leader I thought I would learn to be even more logical and analytical. Half way through my first day all I could do was shake my head in disbelief.

We had spent the whole morning looking at ways I could make myself feel good and, although that was very pleasant, it felt both selfish and irrelevant to me as a leader.

The workshop facilitator persisted in looking at personal stuff for the rest of the afternoon, which was spent on how I think. Analytical? Nope! My intuition, for goodness sake! I haven’t used that since I was a child. I went home and told my wife that it was a most unexpected day. Two hours later she told me to shut up.

I was curious about the next day and had to admit I felt rather good about myself. As we began to explore what made a good leader I realised that I had what it took, but it wasn’t what I thought it was.

Since that five day session I think I have used about half of what I learned with Di – which is about 100%, at least, more than I have taken from other courses. It makes more and more sense, and it works. No, it really works.’

—————

Di says:

Adam spent the whole of the first day staring at me and shaking his head in disbelief. I could feel his gaze on me the whole time.

It’s a common reaction. At first many people think I am crazy. And I remind them that, when they do get themselves in a state where they feel good abut themselves, they are in a superb position to help others get more from their work.

Western society’s love affair with logical and analytical thought reflects a belief that science could solve all of our ‘problems’ This ‘logic’ breaks work down into boring and meaningless tasks, so that the work does not inspire and motivate, and ultimately the work gets done badly. Nice logic!

We have got to the stage in our culture where many of us think that work has to be boring, hard, stressful. If not, the story runs, we are not earning our money or our leisure time: “work hard, play hard’.

Homework

1. Enjoy your work today.

2. Give yourself some treats: stop and smell that flower, smile at that toddler, use your favourite soap, wear your favourite clothes.

3. Take a risk: go in after the traffic, leave your tie at home, leave your e-mails until you have spoken to everyone face-to-face

Enjoy your work today.

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BELIEVING IN OTHERS

By on July 11, 2002 in Leadership, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

Many years ago, I was working with groups of young people who had been thrown out of school for ‘bad behaviour’. They were a great bunch of kids, once they decided they trusted you. Having been given that honour – of being trusted – I was curious to know what I had done to earn it.

Ade told me that two things mattered to them:

  • I didn’t talk down to them
  • I had never once seemed to doubt their ability to achieve whatever they wanted to

I wondered why that was, and then realised that I had been brought up to believe that everyone has something special about them, so that’s what I looked for in others. And whatever you look for, you find…

It is a vital perspective, if you want to bring out the best in those you work with. There was a piece of research done in the USA, where they took two mixed ability classes, but told their teachers that one group were high achievers, and the other group were slow learners. By the end of the first term, the teachers had proved them right!

The group classed as high achievers were all achieving, the other group were all being slow learners.

With beliefs, you tend, as in this example, to get what you expect. So, stop and think about what you expect your colleagues to be like. If they don’t get your point, do you think they are a bit slow or not bright enough? Or do you think that you have expressed it badly?

We can prove any belief we like to hold, so why not make it easier for you to enable people to be at their best, by deciding to believe that they are pretty special, your job is just to bring that out in them.

Homework

  1. List your beliefs about others, including the contradictions – be honest in this one
  2. Now go through your list and choose the beliefs that would be useful to you in enabling others to develop, then add some if you want to
  3. At your next team meeting, read through the ones you have chosen, and decide to act as if they are always true, for the whole of that session, and see what happens

 

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ROLE MODELLING IN LEADERSHIP

By on July 10, 2002 in Excellent organisations, Leadership, Self awareness

When we are young, we are greatly influenced by our role models.  As children, we learn to mimic or parents at a very young age and, in later years, whilst our role models may change, we continue to learn from those we admire.  These will include our heroes, whether fictional or real, those at school who may be brighter, better at sports than we are or those who are the most popular.

Whilst our tastes may change, as we grow older, the desire to learn and emulate others does not diminish.  At work, we try and understand what makes people successful and recognise the behaviours of the most influential.   Our own leadership styles are more likely to reflect what we have picked up from others than what we may have learnt from our own experiences.

Before we notice, others are watching us closely and seeing what works and what they like.  And if what we do does not seem to match what we say, we build suspicion, distrust and potentially lose others’ commitment to our leadership.

So I would like you to think about the behaviours that you demonstrate at work.  Do these reflect the ways of working that you are trying to encourage or are there inconsistencies.  For example, are you trying to encourage others to have a better work/life balance, but are the first to arrive and the last to leave?  Or are you trying to improve team working within your department, whilst being openly proud of your independence and autonomy of decision-making?

We are often unaware of these inconsistencies between what we say and what we do, but they are glaringly apparent to others.  So, ask yourself some key questions:

  1. What are the behaviours and ways of working that you are trying to promote within your team or department?
  2. How consistent are your own actions in demonstrating these changes?
  3. What improvements or changes in your leadership style do you need to make to ensure that there is greater consistency?

Finally, why not take the opportunity to explain to others the changes you are planning to make?  This will demonstrate your commitment, show them that you believe in adapting your own style and so encourage them to take similar actions themselves.  And isn’t that what being a good role model is all about?

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MAKING WORK PURPOSEFUL

By on May 11, 2002 in Working smarter

I often hear that work is a means to an end for people. They do it so that they can earn enough money to do other things. What a shame to spend so much of your time doing something which doesn’t have any intrinsic fulfilment!

Yet we also come across all sorts of people doing all sorts of jobs who do feel that their work is worthwhile. What’s the difference? These people have found something to make their work purposeful.

Ways of making your work purposeful can be identified by asking yourself:

  1. How does what I do make a difference in the world? For example you may be contributing to a service or product that improves people’s lives.
  2. How does what I do help other people? For example you may help to make their job easier, or make them feel good by treating them well.
  3. How does what I do use my talents and personal qualities? For example, you may be good at communicating and use that to please your customers, or someone whose sense of humour lightens the day for others.

When our work feels purposeful, we give of our best, and feel satisfaction with what we are doing. It gives meaning to all those hours spent at work. What is the purpose for you of your work?

Homework

  1. Ask yourself the questions above and find at least one thing that makes your work feel purposeful.
  2. Encourage others to do the same.

 

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EMPOWERMENT

By on May 10, 2002 in Excellent organisations, Leadership

This month, I would like to explore the concept of EMPOWERMENT.  This became a buzzword for the nineties, along with other management concepts, such as de-layering, re-engineering and even, dare I say it, “leadership” itself!  Many organisations embraced the concept and empowered their people, but the results have not been inspiring.

Empowered staff often complain that they are not really empowered, as decisions are still taken by their bosses.  Managers complain that empowered workers ignore the rules and are quick to explain that they “tried empowerment”, but that it just did not work.  Leaders need to anticipate the needs of those that have been empowered.  How will others react to them, will they want confirmation from “the boss”, will they resent their authority?  Leaders and others may also need to show greater tolerance for mistakes and support people, so that they are able to learn from their experiences.

A useful metaphor is a teenager who becomes “empowered” through having greater independence, often financially as well as socially.  As parents, we recognise the need to set boundaries, to gradually develop trust in our sons or daughters, to tolerate their occasional mistake and for them to know that we will always be there for them.  But as managers, we can often operate with a different set of rules.  We do not outline the “do’s and don’ts”.  When people fail, we take back control (after all, it was a daft idea, anyway!) and if things get tough, we are not always supportive.

Think about how you have empowered those who work for you.  Have you provided them with the support, at both a day-to-day level and also at an emotional level?  Are they flourishing, as would a growing adult, or are they floundering like a child in the wilderness?

  1. Spend some time thinking about the people that you manage?
  2. How are they coping with the degree of “empowerment” that you have given them?
  3. Have you outlined the “rules-of-the-game” (both written and unwritten) within your company or are they stumbling into problems on a regular basis?  If not, jot down some of the rules and discuss them at the next opportunity.
  4. How are you supporting them on a regular basis?  Do you share their experiences and discuss ways of improving things next time?
  5. How do you react to mistakes?  Do you support them?  Are you there to help when things go wrong – in a way that is constructive?

Be sure to treat them as individuals, since they will be at different stages and will have differing needs.  Finally, consider the benefits that effectively empowered staff will offer to you.  Perhaps, more time to think strategically or to network with others outside your company or even the chance to occasionally go home early!

Write these down, as they will be useful reminders to you when you are tempted to abandon empowerment and to take control back again!

 

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