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BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves! We have all been well-trained in being critical, and we are great at turning that ability on ourselves. So we notice what we haven’t done rather than what we have done in a day, or we beat ourselves up for saying the wrong thing instead of remembering how often we say the right thing.

I bet you not only criticise yourself, you also sometimes reject praise or compliments by running yourself down! I know I can say things like, ‘ Oh it’s really someone else’s idea’, or ‘ no, I don’t look good today – your eyesight is obviously not as good as it was!’ This is not just insulting to the complimenter, it is also a less than useful message to yourself.

All this is telling ourselves that we are no good, and that is a lousy message to give anyone! So I want you to consider another possibility. Just for a while, imagine that you are your best friend. I bet the description of you would be different if they gave it! Friends are kinder to us than we are to ourselves, and they set us a good example of how we deserve to be treated. When we are treated kindly, we don’t get arrogant, we get even nicer! It reminds us of us at our best, and helps us to be like that more often.

So why not decide to be your own best friend for the rest of the month?

Homework

  1. Spend a few minutes describing your characteristics as if you were your own best friend.
  2. At the end of each day, find something to praise yourself about
  3. Next time you criticise yourself, remind yourself to be kind to you!
  4. Dare to give yourself a present for being such a lovely person!

 

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VITALITY

The sun is shining this morning as I write this, and if I were a child, I would know that it was a wonderful day.

Yet as an adult, my view of the moment is coloured by all the other things I am told about how the world is working, through the news, magazines etc. so rather than celebrate the glorious day, I can easily get caught up in the difficulties and doom and gloom and forget to just live today.

Who has it right??

It seems that we normally need a life threatening event to wake us up to the beauty of the moment by moment of life, but there is no rule that I know of that says that we have to wait for something traumatic to be able to really appreciate and delight in being alive.

When I was little, I went to Sunday school, and I can still remember being told that I should count my blessings each day. What a lovely concept! And over the years, I have come to understand how useful that can be. We always have a choice: to moan about all the things that are wring, for us personally and in the world in general, or to count our blessings. Which makes me feel better? Which makes me more able to handle whatever comes my way? The answer seems so obvious!

I went to see Bruce Springsteen perform this week. I had a bad back, and could have made it worse by standing in a stadium with thousands of others. But I knew better. I knew that there are few better cures for feeling miserable than to go and be inspired by the sheer joie de vivre of this performer! For three hours, I danced, sung and laughed with delight, as he took us on a journey of celebrating being alive.

As Bruce would say: ‘ How can we get this thing started? Let’s have a party!’ So come on, count your blessings and celebrate being alive!

Homework

  1. Stop for a moment and count your blessings today
  2. Find four things to delight in today
  3. Give yourself a present today
  4. Do this every day for a month, no matter what is going on in your life

 

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MAGIC

I was given a book by the magician David Blaine a while ago, and have found it an irresistible read. I was already fascinated by him because he seems to do magic in a different way to any I have seen before. His book both confirms that belief and explains some of the reasons why.

It has made me think about what magic really is. I have always loved the idea of magic, but been disappointed by the tricks that are usually called by that name. They seem to demean something very special that for me is linked to things like fairies, wizards and the things we classify as miracles. I feel that true magic has a positive effect in some way, and will make us question what we think is possible.

At one stage, the word became a popular way of saying that something was special, or exciting and that felt like a good use of it…

Over Christmas, did you see the face of a child filled with wonder at the magic of Father Christmas? Did you wish that you could experience the magic of those first snowflakes settling on the ground?

We forget to notice the simple everyday magic that surrounds us: the skyscapes on a clear winter’s day, the dew in a spider’s web, the excited grin on a child’s face, the birth of another special human being, the sense of wonder at the amazing world we live in, filled with amazing people.

Homework

  1. Where do you see everyday magic?
  2. What magic can you create for others and for yourself?

 

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IT’S KID’S STUFF!

This is a story from my childhood, and since my mum tells it best I’ll allow her to tell you it:

“Jo came home from school one day rather upset because he had got a bad mark for his drawing. I asked him what he had been drawing, and he pulled out his picture to show me. It was a banana. He looked at it and at me and said tearfully, “My teacher said that I should have coloured it yellow – but that’s not really true is it mum?” Jo had coloured his banana green, yellow, orange, brown and black. I agreed with him that bananas could be all these colours and tried to explain to him that adults forget to look properly. I eventually worked out how to make it right: We gave him A+ for his picture and his teacher, D- for her mark! “

This month’s workshop is about children’s creativity, and how we, as grown-ups can play with it!

I had no doubt that that banana was all those colours, and I drew what I saw – green, black, brown, orange and yellow – but narrow-minded, non-imaginative teachers teach us that bananas are yellow, oranges, orange apples, green etc. We are taught not to believe what our imaginations tell us we see – we are taught an adult view of the world. Incidentally, adult literally means to spoil, and has the same root as adulterate and adultery, hence our preferred word here at Meta – grown-ups.

As a child, our imagination is absolutely as real as the ‘real world’ we see with our eyes. I remember being at a house where my then girlfriend was an au-pair to two young kids. They were playing – with absolutely no toys or props, simply their imaginations.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked naively,

‘What does it look like?’ answered the boy somewhat incredulously. ‘I’m selling plums from my market stall!!’

Kids’ imaginations fill their drawings and creations. I don’t know about you, but my imagination has been somewhat dulled by an education that severely lacked any! And  by the ‘real world’ of being an adult and all the responsibilities that entails. Wouldn’t it be nice to dream and create like children again – allow ourselves the time to play and daydream!

This month’s workshop challenges you to play like children, no real fancy props needed, just your imagination and whatever you find around you. After all, kids can create with virtually anything – Blue Peter is a testament to that!

Homework – (or PLAY..or FUN..)

Here are a few suggestions for helping you to regress to childhood and enjoy some child-like play and creation..

It is important to remember that when a child creates, everything it does is perfect, there’s no such thing as a bad drawing or a ‘I can’t do this’..

  1. Paper and pens and squiggly lines (You know what I mean – and if anyone asks, just tell them it’s a banana or something equally obscure..)
  2. Crayons – go play with crayons: houses with smoke coming out the chimney, I can see it now.
  3. Tissue paper – remember those Easter cards you made at school?
  4. Glitter and glue and pasta shapes
  5. Making cards for people – let your imagination run wild
  6. Drawing people – draw your friends’ portraits, capture their essence, like a child would – accuracy not required
  7. Finger painting – go on, get dirty!
  8. Face painting – what a perfect party ice-breaker!
  9. Paper mache – balloons out, wallpaper paste at the ready!
  10. Spray painting – straws and lots of watery paints and of course, some puff!

 

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BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN YOURSELF

When was the last time you felt really good about yourself? It is so easy to be self-damning, and so much harder to be self-congratulatory! And somehow in our culture we think that it is a good thing to run ourselves down. I can remember as a small child being told that just because I was a good speller didn’t mean that I should get bigheaded – but I wasn’t! I was just proud of my ability to spell…

Those who make the best of themselves know intuitively that they need to build on their strengths to get even better. They notice their own good points, and see how they can use these to enhance their not so good points. Just as we all thrive on positive feedback from others, we also thrive on positive feedback from ourselves!

So this month, why don’t you start giving yourself some feedback!

Homework

  1. List 10 things you are really good at. It doesn’t matter what they are – work-related or personal
  2. Each day notice 1 thing you do well and remind yourself of how you did it
  3. When someone thanks you for something, or gives you positive feedback, don’t dismiss it – say thank you and revel in it!
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CREATING SPACE

We forget just how important our own creativity is to us. We walk around with this ‘art shaped hole’ and try to fill it with other things. The fact is we need art and creativity in our lives, it is a natural way of expressing the way we feel and helps us to shape our own identity, and define our own space in the world.

We are very good at making excuses for why we have not done our art – ‘I haven’t got the time, I haven’t got the right materials/tools, If only I had X I’d be doing it, I’m too happy right now to do my art- I need to be depressed, I don’t feel inspired, I was never that good at it anyway, that was something I did when I was younger, but I don’t have space for it in my life anymore, and the classic – I don’t have anywhere to do it.

Sound familiar?

I know, because I am guilty of avoiding my own creativity too. I play guitar. I have a very good guitar and a very good set-up, and I’m not too shabby at playing it either, but for 7 years now I’ve been making the excuse that I didn’t have a space to play it. Now I’ve moved into a much bigger place – I still haven’t played it! But I have at least set it up in its own space.

And that is what I want to talk to you about this month. Space.

That is, having a space where you go to create. I’m fortunate that I have the luxury in my new house of being able to have a room set aside for inspiration – my spirit and creation room. But it doesn’t have to be that grand. It can be a corner of a room, a fold down table, an outside garage, or the kitchen floor on a Sunday afternoon. The important thing is that you and your household know that that is your space for creating on a set day or time.

Once you know you have that space it is easier to create, and indeed for many artists, their studios have been a means to escape the outside world and be inspired.

So try and find your own space for creation. Start your own ‘Creating space’ – and above all, love what you do in it and make it as enjoyable and fun as possible!

 

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A DAY FOR YOU

One of the most significant parts of being on holiday and on retreat for me was the practice of taking a day just for me. What does that mean?

It means choosing what you want to do without having to take others into account, and without the pressure of all the ‘oughts’ we usually have on our lists.

There were days when all I did was stare into space for hours, just being with the beautiful countryside. Other days were quite active, setting off early in the morning and deciding to visit something along the way that looked interesting.

Can you imagine giving yourself permission to have a day just for you? It is a wonderfully refreshing thing to do, and gives you a level of energy that can make the following days much more productive.

Homework

  1. Identify a day in your diary when you could do whatever you wanted to
  2. Either decide in advance what you will do, and have fun planning it
  3. Or allow yourself to wake up on the day and decide according to your mood and the weather
  4. As you go through your day, pay attention to the simple pleasures of life, and to your own needs, so often suppressed. If necessary, change your plans in response to yourself.

 

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CREATIVE COOKING

This month’s workshop is all about Creative Cooking. ‘Creative what?’ I hear you cry, well, just hear me out. I love cooking, especially when it’s for other people. I’ve always been creative with my cooking, I enjoy being different and I believe that my artistic drive often is reflected in the food I present to my friends. If we are to look at the finished dish on the plate as a finished piece of artwork, you can quickly begin to see the similarities. There is of course a need for a contrast and mixing of colours, textures and the ‘composition’ and placing of the food is paramount as so much of our ‘enjoyment’ of the food we eat is in its presentation.

The way I keep my cooking creative is to always try to mix colours, tastes and textures in new ways. I find that new cookery books infuse new life into my cooking but so does an almost empty fridge! I find I am at my most creative with dishes that are composed of whatever is left in the cupboards!

So, a few things for you to try this month…

1. Go buy a new easy to use cook book – infuse new life into your normal eating regime with the help of a well known chef!

2. Colour – Get funky and experiment with colour in your dishes, stir fry’s are great dishes for going wild with colours! – try yellow and orange peppers, yellow oyster mushrooms, white beansprouts, brown chestnut mushrooms..

3. Presentation – When you put the food on the plate, think of it as piece of art and make it look ‘too good to eat!’

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Having Enthusiasm

Have you noticed how infectious enthusiasm is? We all respond to someone who obviously has put their heart and soul into something rather than just their intellect.

The word enthusiasm originally means ‘inspired by God’ or ‘the God within’. This may sound off-putting to some of you, but it captures well the sense that enthusiasm is heart- or spirit-based, and therefore appeals to us at a deeper level.

An example I came across recently is of someone who works for Virgin airlines. She is a member of the ground crew, doing an apparently ‘ordinary’ job, yet she talked for half an hour of how much she loves what she does and whom she works for. She saw her job as important to the company’s success, and gave her all to it willingly, because the company also made sure that she was cared for, and had her own life as well.

To invoke enthusiasm in others like that, we need to ensure that they feel valued and important, and that their individuality is appreciated.

To invoke it in ourselves we need to find what makes our heart sing in our work, and build on that.

Homework

  1. When are you enthusiastic? Look for what makes your heart sing at work.
  2. When do you encourage others to be enthusiastic? Look for opportunities to make others feel valued and important, and cared for.

 

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Time For A Spring Clean

The clocks have gone forward, spring is in the air, and it’s time for spring cleaning. This usually sounds like an onerous job, so I would like to give you a few tips for spring cleaning your life in a simple and fun way.

All you have to do is to identify one area of your life where you wish it were different – a habit, behaviour, or thought that has become outdated in your life. Most of us have several things in this category! The problem we have is that it is generally considered to be hard work to shift something which has been a part of our lives up till now. And maybe we can do it quite simply, by approaching it in a different way.

Homework

  1. Consider the outdated thing and find a metaphorical equivalent for it in your home or possessions, e.g. rowing with your partner might be represented by that ornament that your aunt gave you years ago, or slumping in front of the tv might be represented by the cushion on your favourite chair.
  2. Take the item and get rid of it – unless it is a whole room in which case you might be better to just re-decorate it!
  3. Now imagine how you want to be instead, e.g. pleasant after work, or energetic.
  4. What would represent this new state or behaviour for you metaphorically? Have some fun going out and looking for a replacement metaphor, e.g. a pair of lovely bud vases, or a new cushion with vibrant colours. By the way, it need not be anything that costs – it could just be a pretty pebble.
  5. Now ‘invest’ the new object with how you want to be: ” You are my being pleasant after work symbol”, and place it somewhere you will see it frequently.
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