Tag Archives | relating to others

EVERYTHING CHANGES

By on June 11, 2003 in Leadership, relating to others

We may be pleased or sad when we move from one stage to another with something in our lives, but more often than not, we relegate the experience to the past. This is great, so long as we have taken the time to first appreciate what we have just been through.

Whether the experience was bad or good, we will have gained something from it. So to stop and ensure that we really recognise the ‘treasure’ we have gained from it is vital, if we are to be truly learning and growing in our lives.

Often in business, we try to rush people into the future, without giving them a chance to recognise the value of the past. I think we have a fear that they will get stuck in the nostalgia and resent the changes even more. Yet paradoxically, the reverse tends to be true. If you give people a chance to consider what they have gained from what is now passing out of their lives, it gives value to what they have done, and helps them to move on more naturally and more confidently.

It is a natural process, just like the leaves on the bulbs dying back to feed the bulb ready for a new flowering next year.

So encourage your teams to gather the treasures from their past, as they move into new phases, and ensure that you do the same for yourself.

Homework

  1. Think of a phase in your life that has now passed. Spend a few moments recognising what you gained from that phase of your life
  2. Next time you are working with your team on something that is new for them, spend a little time at the beginning getting them to recognise how what they are now leaving behind has been valuable for them.

 

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GIVING PEOPLE CONFIDENCE

By on May 11, 2003 in Leadership, relating to others

I was running a conference recently, where I asked people to work in small groups, and then present back to the whole group. No doubt you have used this methodology. I knew there was a danger that the managers involved in the groups would be the ones who presented their group findings, and I wanted to avoid that. Yet I didn’t want to put anyone on the spot.

So I told a story about seeing Richard Branson give a talk. It was at the end of a long day, where everyone had given slick presentations, and we were all a bit mind-boggled.

He came on, and was clearly nervous. His speech was hesitant and his stammer showed through. Yet he held us spellbound. The reason? His talk was heartfelt, rather than clever, and he obviously cared about his subject deeply.

I then suggested to the groups that the person who fed back to the whole group was someone who cared deeply about what they had come up with, and that it didn’t matter how long or slick the presentation was, it only mattered that it was heartfelt.

Although I had set it up, I was astounded by the level of presentation that we had. People who had never spoken in public before were daring to speak, and the genuine involvement just shone through. We actually went past lunch time without realising it, because they were so good!

We often try to encourage people to risk stretching themselves, and there are many ways of ding it. The use of a story is just one of them. But I thought it was worth sharing, to prompt you to think about how you can encourage people, and give them the confidence to go beyond their assumed limitations.

Homework

  1. What stories could you tell to encourage people to have a go when they might otherwise not dare?
  2. How else can you give people confidence, so they feel safe in having a go?

 

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MAKING WORK MORE FUN

By on May 6, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Leadership, Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Working smarter

I have been reading the latest book by Ricardo Semler, and amongst the many themes it has reminded me of is the one of making work fun.

It is so easy for work to become tedious, the same old round of meetings, discussions, decisions, actions, email clearing etc. This problem is intensified for us as leaders, because not only do we suffer from it, we also have the people who work for us suffering from it as well.

Of course all the tedious things have to be done – well, some of them anyway. But that doesn’t mean that we have to find them tedious. We can choose to scatter rewards for ourselves in amongst the boring tasks – a walk, a quite cup of coffee, a chat with someone, and a job we really want to do.

We can also check out that list of tedious jobs. Are they all really necessary? We often develop a set of routines that are habit rather than necessity, and a check once in a while on the purpose of what we are doing may lead us to remove the task from our list.

Some of the things we do are because we don’t trust people enough. We give them things to do, then check that they know they have to do it, then ask them to report on their progress at regular intervals, and sometimes we still do some of it ourselves because we are not sure that they will do it right.

So how about daring to trust others to get on with things. You may come across the odd failure’ if you do this, but weigh that against the time and effort you could save!

And this brings us to how you can offset the dangers of boredom in your people. One way is to trust them to do something. When we have full responsibility for something, it tends to be more inspiring than when we are given detailed task lists.

Another way is to dare to allow them to manage their boredom themselves. In the same way that you will function better and achieve more if you make work more fun for yourself, your people will make their day work better and produce more, if given permission to do so.

Semler talks about treating people as grown-ups. It requires trusting people to be responsible, and to achieve while giving them the freedom to make their work life work for them as individuals. It might sound risky, but doesn’t it also sound like common sense?

 

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‘THE AWKWARD ONE’

By on March 11, 2003 in Leadership, relating to others

You know what I mean – the one who won’t participate, who doesn’t want to be there..

We all have these sometimes, when we’re working with groups. And it is easy to take them at face value, and hope you can get away with either ignoring or containing them.

But I was reminded again this week of how important it is to go behind that behaviour, and remember the human being. We had someone who really didn’t want to be there – it was irrelevant to her, and a waste of time, she said.

And we listened, and realised that it was driven by a frustration of long standing – she had expressed her ideas for improvement before, but no-one had ever taken them seriously. As it happened, we had senior managers coming to hear this group’s views. She was encouraged to speak out, and once the bit of moaning had gone through without rejection, she began to speak passionately and articulately about her plea for being treated as a sensible, committed grown-up. It was moving and powerful, and we know that, this time, something will happen as a result.

She could so easily have been sidelined. Thank God, we remembered that awkwardness is a symptom not a cause!

Homework

  1. Next time you have an awkward one, just take a little time to listen and find out what’s really going on.
  2. And when you feel like being awkward yourself, in meetings you attend, experiment with tracing it back and explicitly stating what’s really going on with you.

 

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THE EXCELLENT CONDUCTOR

By on February 10, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Leadership

I have just been to see Daniel Barenboim conducting the Berlin StadtsKapelle playing two Brahms symphonies. What a wonderful experience!

It is so much more than listening to a great performance of a great piece of music. It led me to wonder if those who speak of a great leader as being like being a great conductor have considered the full depth of the ways in which seeing people like Barenboim can enrich our view of what the leader really is.

Of course, there is the obvious piece about enabling the different parts of the orchestra to play together and between them, with their differences, create something wonderful.

But there is more than that. We watched Barenboim stand back sometimes, because they were working perfectly without him. Then sometimes he would take the energy and raise the level, or blend it in a different dynamic, or bring the parts together to make a whole. He would encourage some to play with more heart, and quiet others to let the glory of one piece stand out. And all this and more was done with the minimum of intervention, using what was already there and building on it.

In order to achieve this, we assume that he works with the orchestra members outside the performance, encouraging them, forging relationships with them, inspiring them with a passion for the music, so that during the performance, there is only the need for tiny reminders.

He also set the tone for how to be in the situation. He came on stage, dignified, and very present and calm. Both audience and orchestra knew from the start that this would be wonderful, because his quiet assurance told us so. He also received the applause with grace, acknowledging every section of the audience for their feedback, and ensuring that they gave recognition to those who had played their part outstandingly, by getting different individuals from every part of the orchestra to stand up and take a bow. He valued everyone, in the audience and the orchestra, yet gave some a special thank you for their contribution.

I sat entranced, and realised how we may blithely state that a great leader is like the conductor of an orchestra, yet most of us do not remind ourselves of what a rich metaphor that really is. As a conductor, Daniel Barenboim is outstanding and recognised. As a role model for a great leader, he is excellent and powerful.

Why not treat yourself and go to a classical concert in the next few months? You can enhance your leadership skills while enjoying an inherently enriching experience.

 

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IMPROVING TEAM MEETINGS

By on January 10, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Leadership

I have struggled over the years to get team meetings to work well.  There have always been some inherent conflicts I have never really managed to balance.  Whether to allow the conversation to flow freely or to keep strictly to time, when I knew that digressions would often lead to moments of inspiration.  How to keep the whole team interested, when I was keen to understand how each of my team were doing.  Over the years, I tended to vary the format, as it became stale, or as the excuses for non-attendance grew.  Yet, the “right formula” remained elusive.

When I think about the best meetings I have had, as opposed to analysing what’s going wrong, I get a different picture.  In these meetings, people are engaged; the conversation flows and laughter can be heard.  I realise that it is not about having a repeatable formula.  It is about team members feeling engaged as a true member of a real team.  The “chemistry” happens not due to a formula, but when they have been working on something that interests him or her and when they feel their contribution has been useful and valued.

Those meetings finish naturally, not when the chairman says so.  People leave invigorated and refreshed, not relieved or depressed.  The team are re-united and strong again.  The buzz of the meeting often continues into the corridors and onwards to the vending machine.

I have also come to realise that I always had my interests at the front of my mind.  I needed to understand what my managers were doing, what issues they had, where they needed my help or the help of others.  On reflection, they should have been called “my meetings” not “team meetings”, as they were really there to ensure I felt fully informed and in control.

How different it could have been if I really trusted them to do their jobs and used the team meetings as a way of harnessing their collective skills and energies.  So, if you run team meetings in a conventional way and they feel somewhat stale or sterile, this month’s workshop is to encourage you to think differently about them – to make them truly “team meetings”.

Ask yourself whether you are using team meetings for your own ends e.g. as a means of keeping you better informed or for exercising control.  If so, are there other ways of achieving this (as you are not using people’s time effectively!) e.g. making better use of one-to-one meetings.

  1. Choose a single agenda item where you could usefully use the team to collectively resolve.  Ideally choose something where everyone has some level of personal interest in the outcome.
  2. If possible, use an experienced facilitator to guide the meeting, capturing key points.  This allows you, as team leader, to contribute alongside others, rather than to direct the discussions.
  3. Step back and enjoy the interaction and energy as the team starts to work together, resisting the tendency to take control or act as timekeeper.
  4. Recognise when the energy level naturally subsides, resisting the temptation to complete the task, but allowing it to come a useful resting place.  Then spend a little time reviewing where you are, what needs to be done next and agree a time for getting together again.

I tend to measure the effectiveness of such meetings by the amount of laughter heard and by how easily people can magically find space in their diaries when they are looking forward to something!

We have been following this approach in our team meetings at Meta, when we realised a few months ago we were falling into the “formula trap”.  We have had some inspired sessions and our meetings are far more enjoyable.  They now feel like proper “team meetings”.

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Changing Your Habitual Thinking

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking

Most of us have learnt to think in limiting or negative ways. We consider problems rather than solutions, and notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right.  We do this without even realising it, and it is well engrained as a habit.

So to break it, we need to practice doing something different with our brains: noticing what’s right.

There are simple and enjoyable ways of undertaking this practice. Here are a couple for you to play with.

HOMEWORK

  1. Spend a few minutes thinking about the good points about your family, your work, and being the age you are. List at least ten good points for each category.
  2. Now think of one way you could add another point to each list by taking some action.
  3. And finally, think of a simple way you could show your appreciation for the gifts these categories bring into your life.
  4. Now decide to catch someone doing it right – your partner, child, friend or work colleague. Notice something they do which pleases you and tell them so.

 

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Happiness

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking, Working smarter

As we start the new year, it seems appropriate to ask how we can make life a happier experience for all of us – let’s make a positive difference.

Keeping your fuel tank filled – see previous blogs – is a good start, because that will help you to be more positive in your outlook on life.

But what about those who have a negative effect on you, and seem to take that positivity away? Not only do they disturb your happiness, they also suffer a lack of happiness themselves – it is the rare person who really feels good when they are causing others to feel bad.

There are ways we can change this effect, to the benefit of all parties involved.

  1. Don’t give away your power! Remember that we choose to allow something to affect us. After all, what to one person is a disaster, to another person is an exciting adventure – they have obviously made different choices about how to react. So choose to react differently to the person. Imagine their comment or attitude as a brief rain shower which temporarily wets you and then dries up. Even better, imagine that you have an invisible shield which protects you from getting wet at all!
  2. Even more powerfully, experiment with how you can change their reaction to you, which causes them to behave in a way which affects you badly. Step into their shoes for as moment. From their perspective, what could you do differently that would provoke a different and more useful behaviour in them? We often unwittingly provoke just the behaviour we don’t like and by making a change in our own attitude or behaviour we can change theirs.

Homework

  1. Practise using your invisible shield when someone next seems to want to offend you or upset you in some way.
  2. Take a person that you always seem to have a negative reaction to. Imagine you are them, and ask yourself, ‘what would make me behave more positively with …?’ Use the answer to guide your behaviour next time you encounter them.

 

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Being a Customer

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Working smarter

I have recently been working on a proposal to help an organisation become more customer focused, and it has really made me think about the other side of the story – the customer. My conclusion is that we all need training to be good customers, not just to treat customers well!

Most of us are passive victims as customers, whether the responsiveness to us is good or bad. Yet with a little pro-active effort on our part, we can often change our experience for the better.

For example, smiling, saying hello, saying thank you, all make a difference to our server and take little from us. Imagine for a moment that you are that server. You have to be pleasant all day/evening to the unresponsive and unsmiling creatures most of us are – wouldn’t you get to the point of being unresponsive? On top of that, you maybe have a boss who never praises you, and doesn’t appreciate what you do – are you sullen and fed up yet?!

We can help people to want to serve us with a genuine smile, by treating them well, by making them feel noticed and valued. And if they do make an effort for us, we can appreciate it, rather than only commenting if we have a complaint. Let’s have a ‘Being a Good Customer’ week!

Homework

  1. Smile and say hello to 5 people who are in some way serving you this week, even if they don’t respond.
  2. Thank anyone who serves you well this month, and maybe write a letter appreciating their service to their boss.
  3. Apply the same principle to those who ‘serve’ you at work – your colleagues, and those from other departments who help you to do your job.

 

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Prejudices

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking

It was World Aids Day yesterday and I was collecting for Aids charities and giving out red ribbons. The city was very busy with people doing their Christmas shopping, so it would seem as if it were a good time to be collecting for a cause. And of course there were many people who gave generously.

But there were also many people who studiously avoided us, and even some who made the effort to come and tell us that we were ‘doing the devil’s work’ to cite one of them!

It made me think about our prejudices – the way we make a judgement about something on relatively little information and refuse to consider any further evidence.

We all have prejudices, and some of them are useful, because they incline us to be kinder or more thoughtful. But we need to remember that the world is full of people who are different from us – not better or worse, just different.

It is the Christmas season, the season of goodwill towards all. For the next few weeks, let’s just check out if our prejudices are useful, and if not, perhaps we can suspend our judgement for long enough to offer some goodwill towards someone who we would normally have judged as not good enough in some way…

Homework

  1. Buy a copy of Big Issue next time you pass someone selling
  2. Smile at someone you work with who has always evoked a negative prejudice in you.
  3. List your useful prejudices and use them!

 

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