Tag Archives | ENJOYING THE MOMENT

CONVERSATIONS

By on November 6, 2015 in Meta Org Blog

Last month I suggested that we ensure that our interaction with people is not transactional, and that we remember to engage with our hearts and not just our heads. This month I’m going to take that a stage further and suggest that we give more value to our interactions by engaging in real conversations with others.

The original meaning of the word conversation is that we turn together, and it always makes me think of dancing, where we take it in turns to lead, and enjoy being together and seeing where the dance takes us. Conversation has a flow to it, and a rhythm is created which has a special value.

In conversation, we learn about and from each other, and thereby enrich both our awareness and our relationship without effort. It doesn’t matter what the topic is to start with – it can be the weather, a TV programme you watched, or how you spent your evening. What matters is that you have the intention to engage with the other person, and share something of your self – then the magic happens.

I have stood at the bus stop, and begun with complaining about the poor service and ended up finding out what it was like to be a prisoner of war in Germany in World War Two. I have begun a conversation about having to do a lot of driving with a taxi driver, and ended up discussing our similar philosophies of life. Of course, not all conversations take us to such fascinating places, but they do always enable us to understand more of other people’s worlds and to be more sympathetic, at a minimum, and they can be a simple means of enhancing our lives and relationships.

So don’t ignore the opportunities to have a conversation every day. Stop for a moment and talk to the shop assistant, the work colleague, the person behind you in the queue. We seem to have got out of the habit in our culture – too busy, too rushed, too immersed in our phones – and we are losing out by not taking those 5 or 10 minutes. They are not a waste of time; they are a way of building relationship and awareness that comes naturally to us. Be interested in others and their lives and ideas – they’re fascinating!

Take a moment to think of a couple of real conversations you’ve had recently. Feel again the glow of being in that flow with someone else, the energy of it, the fun of it. And remember the after-effect on both of you: the warmer greeting next time you meet, the smile of recognition. Don’t deprive yourself – get out there and have a conversation with someone!

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FOOD FOR THE SOUL

By on July 31, 2013 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Resourcing yourself, Working smarter

I recently went to see Bruce Springsteen in concert, and was struck by the level of joy he creates with his band and his audience. At the same time as loving the concert, I was reflecting on how rare it is to simply enjoy yourself: to sing, laugh, dance, and take pleasure in simple things.

We have been taught through the consumer culture to search for our delight through more, bigger, better, instead of listening to our hearts, which say simple, natural, shared.

This may sound idealistic, not of the real world. After all, how often can we go to concerts, or just dance? It’s not our everyday. Well, it can be: look at the sunshine, the flowers in the gardens. Listen to that lovely happy song on the radio as you drive into work. Taste that special cheese you decided to treat yourself to in your weekly shop. Smell your child’s head – how sweet! Feel the grass with your bare feet first thing in the morning. None of these are expensive or rare – and they all feed our souls.

And why do we do it – feed our souls? Because it is essential to our health and well-being.  It causes our brains to release those hormones which keep us well, and help us to thrive. Consequently, when my soul is fed, I am a more pleasant person to be around, I notice and appreciate the more positive aspects of my life, and I feel able to handle what the world throws at me. What is more, I don’t need the compensation of ‘stuff’ to try to fill the void.

If shopping did it for us, wouldn’t everyone in town look happy? If gadgets did it for us, wouldn’t everyone using their technology send positive messages?

We all have a sense of what feeds our soul: if your heart warms or sings at the thought of it, you know that works for you. That is what is worth investing in, spending time on.

This month, take a little time every day to feed your soul, and keep yourself well. The world is full of soul food, if we care to look for it – you don’t need to go and see Springsteen – although I would recommend it!!

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LIVE YOUR LIFE!

By on May 27, 2013 in Living fully

It is so easy to put off doing things that we really love doing – not enough money, not enough time, and all the other myriad excuses that we give ourselves.

I led a funeral for a dear friend of mine a couple of years ago, and we celebrated how she had lived life to the full – what a lovely way to spend this time we have! And it is a sharp reminder that none of us know how long we really have, so we need to do it now – that special thing we wish we could do.

It may be something big – a world cruise, a change of type of work. It might be something small – a bit more time spent with friends instead of the computer, a visit to a place we haven’t been to for years. Whatever you wish you could do in your life, for goodness’ sake, get on with it!

And on an everyday level, remember to:

  • Enjoy the moment – the weather, the sound of the birds, the smiles we can elicit from others
  • Tell people you love them – don’t assume they know
  • Spend time on your relationships – they will give you more value than anything else in life – and that means with the shop assistant, as well as with your friends and relatives
  • Don’t moan – do something about whatever you feel like moaning about – or laugh at it instead!
  • And celebrate being alive, and all the wonders that entails – don’t wait for the right thing or the right time.

 

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“FOUR YEAR OLD FEET”

By on January 1, 2011 in Self awareness, Ways of thinking

So, you’re beginning the day, you gently swing your sleepy legs over the edge of the bed and stretch – the same as you do every morning.

You look at the clock, 6.30am again – Same as yesterday’s clock. That floorboard creaks as you walk on it, reminding you that you must do something about it. The tiles at the bottom of the stairs are cold on your feet, reminding you that you forgot the slippers again.

And so it continues, you’re daily routine. The cups, the two sugars, the saucepan and porridge oats.

The slightly impatient call from the bottom of the stairs to the sleeping family that lets them know you have given them an extra 5 minutes slumber!

How quickly we fall into routines that, over a period of time become uninspiring and enhance that feeling of monotony.

But wait…. the sound of smaller, lighter somehow excited feet are heard.

These are feet that woke up with a purpose – These feet wanted to feel that carpet squirming between their toes!

These feet now want to jump down those stairs in front of them – maybe from the top all the way down! They thrill at the cold of the floor tiles underneath them at the bottom of the stairs, making them move faster.

Attached to these feet are also two excited legs and a body that holds up a face that is brighter than sunshine. This is because through these eyes, nothing looks the same!

In the world of this four year old, every day is new. The previous day is somehow partially wiped from memory so that the opportunity to create magic today is presented.

Every task or challenge, from waking up to getting dressed or brushing teeth is embraced with gusto!

We live in busy times, our lives are sometimes so full that we just climb on the treadmill with everyone else and join the queue, not really thinking about where we are heading because it’s the same as yesterday.

So the challenge is…. slip back into those four year old feet again tomorrow morning and feel the carpet between your feet; look out of the window at a new and different day and grab it with both hands.

Re-frame what always happens into something with a wonderful, slightly odd and exciting feeling, the one you lost touch with when younger – And love it. Then at the end of the day, sleep soundly and dream of where those four year old feet might take you tomorrow?

 

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BEING FREE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE

By on August 8, 2010 in health+well being, Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Reducing stress, Resourcing yourself, Working smarter

You can also listen to a podcast of this Workshop.
[audio:metaspirit_workshop_being_free.mp3|titles=Being free to live your life]
Download this podcast

Life is for the living.

At least that’s what they say. I’m not quite sure who ‘they’ are, but one thing is for sure, there are not many of us who can honestly say that they are free to live the life they want to?

We like to blame circumstance, or others for our life not being how we’d like it to be, but ultimately I feel that the block lies with us. Continue Reading →

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THE STORY OF THE BE PERFECT DRIVER AND THE BE HAPPY DRIVER By Spencer Kirkwood.

By on May 1, 2010 in Self awareness, Working smarter

This is a story written by one of Meta’s friends. You may recognise the theme! And thank you, Spence!

The Be Perfect driver was a successful driver. Everything he did was as close to perfect as he could make it. Anything that he was asked to achieve, he strived for 100%, even 101%!

A very commendable attitude everyone said.

From very early in the morning until late into the evening, the Be Perfect driver committed his time to his work and to making sure that everyone was “happy” with that work. (He is even writing this at 9.25pm in his lounge!) He knew his job well and his experience was well respected with many of his colleagues and peers.

He always took the time to support others, even when his own workload was heavy – never one to let anyone down. From time to time, he found himself on very tight deadlines which meant that occasionally, his usually high standards slipped a little.

This had an unusual effect on the Be Perfect driver – How could he have let his most precious asset slip?

Was this the point where people found out that he couldn’t do what he said he could?

Even though he said he could, could he do the job?

Now the Be Perfect driver was slipping into confusion, all the perfection was disappearing from his world and being replaced with….Doubt.

This caused the Be Perfect driver to feel less than perfect, in fact he felt as though every part of what he had worked so hard to achieve was being unravelled. People would think that he wasn’t quite as good as they first thought. They would not put so much trust in him in the future. He would slowly but surely be squeezed out.

The Be Perfect driver pulled over into a lay-by to try to figure out how he would fit all the things he had to do into the ever shrinking time line he had AND do them all perfectly.

As he pulled in, he vaguely noticed another similar looking van parked up. Leaning up against the van holding a cup of tea, was a man who looked uncannily like himself only….. better. He wasn’t sure what it was that was better about this other man, only that he looked, well, good!

Now being a man who liked everyone else to be happy, the Be Perfect driver decided to find his best smile and go over and say hello to the other driver.

“Hello” He said in his best voice and with his best smile. “I’m the Be Perfect driver, you look familiar, have we met before”?

The other driver smiled a relaxed and contented smile. “I’m the Be Happy driver” He said.

“We’ve met quite a few times, but mostly just short glimpses these days”

The Be Perfect driver was a little confused at the Be Happy driver’s response. What could he mean, just short glimpses?

“I used to stop here for a cup of tea quite often” Said the Be Perfect driver. “These days though, I just have so many things to do, I barely have time”

“I know” Said the Be Happy driver. “All that training to deliver, then more to design and write AND making sure that it is all up to standard – can’t afford to let the side down. Then there’s the family, and the work to do on the house, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger”.

“But how do you…..” The Be Perfect driver was just about to ask how on earth the Be Happy driver knew all these things about him when the Be Happy driver continued..

“I was just like you, up at the crack of dawn and back at stupid o’clock, missing the kids go to bed and then collapsing in the chair when I got home. One day it all got on top of me and I didn’t know what to do first. I didn’t talk to my wife because it was just boring work stuff and she was busy trying to project manage everything else that was going on.

“Then one day, I went to see a good friend of mine. We weren’t supposed to be talking about my troubles but it just ended up coming out in conversation. As I was talking, I heard myself saying something to my son a few days earlier and it just hit me that I was unhappy. I was trying SO hard to pull everything together and keep everyone happy but all I was achieving was more stress and behaving in a way that was actually making people UN-HAPPY”.

“My friend asked me a fairly simple question. She said that trying for the best result was a good trait but if I could change being perfect to something else, what would I choose?”

I thought for a minute and decided that rather than having a “Be Perfect” driver, I would rather have a “Be Happy” driver”.

“I started to think about all the things that I had to do, all the people I needed to please and all the stress I was piling on myself and my family. Then I asked myself how I could achieve all of these things from a Happy perspective”.

“As I thought about each task, I thought about how I could fit in a little treat to make me feel happy as I worked. I also thought about a bigger treat at the end of each week, just to celebrate what I had achieved, even if I hadn’t managed to do everything. At the beginning I was worried that doing this would mean that my own standards would dip, but guess what – they actually went up! Because I was enjoying what I was doing and letting myself have a little treat every now and then, I was really pleased with the results – And so were other people!”

“It seems that a little time spent making sure YOU are happy has the most wonderful effect on other people. Somehow, I don’t find them asking for so much of my time these days – maybe because what I do for them now is closer to being right the first time. I don’t feel quite as rushed as I used to – maybe because I am enjoying the work” (and looking forward to the treat!)

I enjoyed lying on the floor the other night with both of my daughters sitting on my back while I read them a story – Something I hadn’t done for a while without speed reading and bundling them off to bed so that I could carry on with work”!

The Be Perfect driver was stunned, it was as if someone had just described his life!

He looked at the Be Happy driver for a long time. The more he looked, the more he wanted to look and feel like him.

“Do you think I could do the same as you”? Said the Be Perfect driver.

“Absolutely”. Said the Be Happy driver. “Do you know what makes you happy”?

The Be Perfect driver thought.

“ My kids when they laugh, going to football on Saturday and watching my son, nice cup of tea with milk and two sugars, watching a romantic film with my wife, watching……”

“Okay, okay” Said the Be Happy driver. “Use all of those things and more as your treats. When you don’t have much time, use the short treats, when you have more time, use the longer ones. Enjoy it when you use them”.

The Be Perfect driver looked at his watch.

“Time I was off on the road again”. He said to the Be Happy driver. “Thanks for the chat though and I’m definitely going to use my treats and think more about what makes me happy”.

“One more thing before you go”. Said the Be Happy driver. He drew a big imaginary hoop in the air. Then he grabbed it and passed it to the Be Perfect driver.

“Take this”.

“What is it”?

“Inside that hoop are all the things that make you feel good. Sometimes, when you’re struggling to find “Happy”, throw the hoop on the floor and step in it. Let yourself feel all those good things surround you and fill you up. Once you have topped up with “Happy”, pop the hoop in your pocket and carry on”.

“Thanks”. Said the Be Perfect driver looking a little confused.

Are you coming this way next week”? Asked the Be Happy driver.

“Yes, on Tuesday” Said the Be Perfect driver.

“Stop off for a treat and we’ll talk again. It’s been nice”.

“I will”, said the Be Perfect driver as he turned and walked back to his van, all the time feeling the hoop in his pocket filling up with happiness.

 

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GOING SLOW

By on June 1, 2006 in health+well being, Resourcing yourself

Some years ago, I read a book called “Stopping “ by David Kudtz.  It made an impression on me, I think mainly because I rarely did – stop, that is!  And, for a short while, I did put some “stops” into my life – times when I did nothing, and just allowed life to go by for an hour or two – but it didn’t really stick as a habit.

Now having just spent some time in one of my favourite places, Provence in France, I have realised that one of the reasons I love it there is because the cultural habit is going slow.  I may not have learnt to stop, but I’m pretty good at going slow some of the time, and I’m inclined to increase the habit.

When you sit down in a pavement café, the waiters assume you are going slow, so they don’t rush to serve you, or to ask for payment.  This is not poor service, it’s respectful service, respecting your right to go slow.

It is easy to become impatient when you are used to an “instant response and action” type of life, yet relax into the go slow culture, and you begin to notice the advantages:

  • Proper attention paid to detail – the arrangement of food, the laying of the table
  • Time for contact between human beings – smiles, conversations
  • Things get done, effectively and pleasantly
  • No tempers of frustration, but a tranquil atmosphere
  • A sense of spaciousness in time, instead of it rushing by
  • Room to notice what’s happening around you

OK, it may not be appropriate in our culture to run on “go slow” time all the time.  And sometimes, we may give ourselves permission to slow down for an hour or two in the day, and take that time to reflect, to refresh ourselves.

I love go slow starts to the day, with time to consider, before rushing into action.  And gardening is definitely a go slow activity for me. Maybe it is reading the Sunday newspaper, or having a meal or drink with friends for you.

And how else can we put some go slow time into our busy lives?  I intend to experiment, because I feel so much more as if I’m living my life when I go slow for a while.  I also regain perspective, and feel refreshed by that change of pace.  Why not join me in the experimentation, and see what some “going slow” does for you!!

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Possibilities

By on March 4, 2006 in Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

There is a basic tenet in Eastern Philosophies around being in the present moment.  And we can believe we are living to this when we caught up in our everyday stuff.  Yet there is an important distinction we need to be aware of.

When we are “caught up” in the everyday, we are on automatic, following historical habits of reaction, or thinking.  We are doing the moment, not being in the moment.

When we are truly here now, it is a spacious place, full of possibility.  We have choices about how we react, how we proceed, what we do next, how we think about things.

This is when everything is open to possibility.  Instead of saying “this must come next,” we can say, “what shall I do next?”  Instead of saying,”It’s obvious,” we can say, “what are the possibilities?”

This spaciousness of the moment offers us several very valuable gifts.

  • A release from habitual thinking and doing
  • A break from historical assumptions
  • A sense of controlling our own destiny
  • A broader view of our future

We can apply it to “big stuff” – times of transition in our lives, and we can also get the habit of taking that break by applying it to the “small stuff”- the rush into the next task on the list, the move from duties at work to duties at home.  It takes us a breathspace to move into being in the moment, and a breathspace to recognise we have choices, and one more breathspace to make a choice that is more comfortable and uses possibility instead of necessity as the driver.

Can you spare 3 breathspaces once in  a while in your busy life, to enhance your possibilities? Have a go, and see how much richer life can be, with such a simple application of being in the moment!!

 

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THE ‘NOT ENOUGH’ SYNDROME

By on September 8, 2005 in Living fully, Ways of thinking

I have had a lovely week this week: I have spent time with friends that I love and haven’t seen for a while, I have been working with people I really enjoy working with, and I have seen a wonderful art exhibition as a special treat. There are also all the everyday miracles: my cat is now well, the vegetables from my garden are delicious, the sun has warmed me, the rain has watered my garden for me, and lots of things have made me laugh. And this is an ordinary week, which also had some not so good moments.

Like all of us, I can look at this week in a lot of different ways, depending on my mood, and the things that have affected me most. Yet culturally, we are trained to notice more of the everyday lacks and irritations, rather than the delights and abundances. So it takes a conscious effort to choose to view our world and our lives as abundant and pleasurable.

When I switch on my tv, I am shown all the things I don’t have, and what is wrong with others and myself, how we are all not good enough, how we all don’t have enough. When I ask people how they are, they tend to tell me the things that are not right, with them or the world. It is the ‘not enough’ syndrome gone mad! Not done enough work, not got enough money, not been kind enough to others ( or ourselves!), not good enough at what I do – the list goes on and on.

And yes, there are many areas where we are not as good as we might be, where the world is not as good as it might be, where we feel lacks, in ourselves, in others, in the world. Yet there are also many moments of abundance, when we are just lovely, when others are kind and delightful, when the world shows its wonder rather than its horror.

When we pay attention to what’s wrong or lacking, we make ourselves feel bad, and risk missing the opportunities for miracles to occur. It doesn’t help us to live our lives well, because it sends us back into the sort of mood that perpetuates the feeling of lack and wrongness.

This is not about wearing rose-tinted spectacles – we don’t have to pretend that everything is rosy, and nothing is wrong. We can recognise the bad bits, without getting caught by them. If we are going to get caught on something, let’s get caught on the good bits! They will help us keep a good frame of mind, so we can deal with the bad bits more constructively, and they will remind us to keep the bad bits in perspective.

Why not join me for a few days in choosing to notice the gifts of your life, the everyday miracles that occur. We may not need to change the world, just view it differently!

 

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THE ESSENTIALS OF LIFE ‘ COLOUR

By on March 7, 2004 in emotional intelligence, Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Resourcing yourself

I was in my garden this weekend, enjoying the sunshine.  The blues, reds, oranges and yellows of the flowers contrasted beautifully with different shades of green in the leaves, stems, trees and grass.  And it was all enlivened by the light of the sun.  This stunning spectacle is free, and available in some form to all of us, because our world is coloured – aren’t we lucky!

And colours give us more than just a spectacle – they evoke words and feelings.  It is interesting to me that a long time ago, colours were linked to our chakras – the energy centres in our bodies.  Yet it is only relatively recently that we in the west started considering the effect that different colours have on our moods and energy.

I recently redecorated my living room.  It had been red and stone colours, and now it is in all shades of green.  Everyone who comes into it remarks on how tranquil it feels, even if they know nothing about the effect of colours – the power of a colour change!

We are lucky to have such a remarkable range of colours available to us and can use them, not just to delight the eye, but also to help us enhance or change our mood.  What colours delight you?  What colours make you feel good?  Do you allow yourself to enjoy them enough?

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