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What is emotional intelligence?

By on September 4, 2002 in emotional intelligence, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

So, what is it? It is the reminder that we all do have emotions and are often led to act by them, but if we don’t acknowledge their part in our decision-making, we are likely to be reactive rather than responsive. It used to be called wisdom, or common sense, but, as Robert Cooper says, the trouble with common sense is that it is rarely practised.

When you use your emotional intelligence, you recognise, value and use your emotional reactions constructively. You know that you are in control of your reactions, and consider the consequences before simply acting on them.

For example, we all get frustrated in a traffic jam. Not using your emotional intelligence leads to being driven by your frustration. So you end up stressed at least, and sometimes it can develop into road rage, or causing accidents.

And if you stop for a moment and consider, you realise that the frustration is not constructive, and will not change the situation. Using your emotional intelligence is more likely to lead to putting on some favourite music, thinking about some issue you have to resolve, or just enjoying the countryside you can see.

On the positive side, most of us have ‘had a good idea’ – something that came spontaneously, which we then dismissed as being impractical, irrelevant, or illogical. If we use our emotional intelligence, we often realise then, rather than when it is too late, that the idea is worth following through on.

Homework

Take 4 of your ‘instant reactions this week and just stop and ask yourself the following questions before either dismissing them or simply reacting:

1. How does this help me to live my life well?

2. How will this make a positive difference?

3. What will be the effect of this in the future?

As you hear the inner responses to the questions, make sure that you listen to your heart as well as your head – if your heart sings, you are on the right track!

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Changing Your Habitual Thinking

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking

Most of us have learnt to think in limiting or negative ways. We consider problems rather than solutions, and notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right.  We do this without even realising it, and it is well engrained as a habit.

So to break it, we need to practice doing something different with our brains: noticing what’s right.

There are simple and enjoyable ways of undertaking this practice. Here are a couple for you to play with.

HOMEWORK

  1. Spend a few minutes thinking about the good points about your family, your work, and being the age you are. List at least ten good points for each category.
  2. Now think of one way you could add another point to each list by taking some action.
  3. And finally, think of a simple way you could show your appreciation for the gifts these categories bring into your life.
  4. Now decide to catch someone doing it right – your partner, child, friend or work colleague. Notice something they do which pleases you and tell them so.

 

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Happiness

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking, Working smarter

As we start the new year, it seems appropriate to ask how we can make life a happier experience for all of us – let’s make a positive difference.

Keeping your fuel tank filled – see previous blogs – is a good start, because that will help you to be more positive in your outlook on life.

But what about those who have a negative effect on you, and seem to take that positivity away? Not only do they disturb your happiness, they also suffer a lack of happiness themselves – it is the rare person who really feels good when they are causing others to feel bad.

There are ways we can change this effect, to the benefit of all parties involved.

  1. Don’t give away your power! Remember that we choose to allow something to affect us. After all, what to one person is a disaster, to another person is an exciting adventure – they have obviously made different choices about how to react. So choose to react differently to the person. Imagine their comment or attitude as a brief rain shower which temporarily wets you and then dries up. Even better, imagine that you have an invisible shield which protects you from getting wet at all!
  2. Even more powerfully, experiment with how you can change their reaction to you, which causes them to behave in a way which affects you badly. Step into their shoes for as moment. From their perspective, what could you do differently that would provoke a different and more useful behaviour in them? We often unwittingly provoke just the behaviour we don’t like and by making a change in our own attitude or behaviour we can change theirs.

Homework

  1. Practise using your invisible shield when someone next seems to want to offend you or upset you in some way.
  2. Take a person that you always seem to have a negative reaction to. Imagine you are them, and ask yourself, ‘what would make me behave more positively with …?’ Use the answer to guide your behaviour next time you encounter them.

 

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Inside Out

By on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

Have you noticed how your mood and state always seem to be how the world is at that time? When we feel good, the world seems full of good news and friendly people; when we feel down, there is always more to be gloomy about!

This is no accident of fate. It is about what we are using to filter the possible information around us. When I feel low, I have on the ‘reasons to feel low’ filter, so I notice lots of them.

It makes sense, therefore, to always work ‘inside out’. That means I work on me first, then start looking outwards. If I can change my mood, I will change what I notice, and will be able to have a more positive impact.

Homework.

  1. Notice how the world reflects your mood.
  2. Give yourself treats to make you feel good, and notice how the world also feels easier to handle.

 

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Prejudices

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, relating to others, Ways of thinking

It was World Aids Day yesterday and I was collecting for Aids charities and giving out red ribbons. The city was very busy with people doing their Christmas shopping, so it would seem as if it were a good time to be collecting for a cause. And of course there were many people who gave generously.

But there were also many people who studiously avoided us, and even some who made the effort to come and tell us that we were ‘doing the devil’s work’ to cite one of them!

It made me think about our prejudices – the way we make a judgement about something on relatively little information and refuse to consider any further evidence.

We all have prejudices, and some of them are useful, because they incline us to be kinder or more thoughtful. But we need to remember that the world is full of people who are different from us – not better or worse, just different.

It is the Christmas season, the season of goodwill towards all. For the next few weeks, let’s just check out if our prejudices are useful, and if not, perhaps we can suspend our judgement for long enough to offer some goodwill towards someone who we would normally have judged as not good enough in some way…

Homework

  1. Buy a copy of Big Issue next time you pass someone selling
  2. Smile at someone you work with who has always evoked a negative prejudice in you.
  3. List your useful prejudices and use them!

 

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Being Doing Having

By on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

Don’t we all say, sometimes: ‘If only I could win the lottery, then I could go on lots of holidays (or whatever our own dream is) and I would be happy.  Yet every ancient philosophy in the world tells us that it actually works the other way round …. ‘If I choose to be happy, then I do things differently, and I can have anything I want’.

This is very challenging for our minds, which have been trained in the western culture of striving to attain.  We almost want to make it impossible to achieve our dreams, because that proves that we were right – only the lucky ones can do that, and they are very few.

Yet at a gut instinct level, we all know that when we are feeling good, we respond to things differently, and the world seems to work better for us.  It seems worth experimenting with, since we are, most of us, not about to win the lottery!  What would happen if you decided to be happy today?

Homework :

  1. Choose to be happy today, and just notice what happens.
  2. Act as if everything is working well for you for a day, and notice what happens.
  3. At least, practise smiling for a day, and notice what happens!
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Gaining Perspective

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

Have you had a summer holiday? I remember when I went to Italy during the summer and was lucky enough to spend three days in Sicily whilst Etna was erupting. We were able to see the incredible sight of a red river of lava, and hear and feel the immense rumbling and thundering which accompanies the eruption.

When stood by such a powerful example of nature at its work, you have to recognise how mundane and temporary our own stories are by comparison.

Whether we are disrupted by changes happening in our lives, or feeling powerful and important because we are being change agents in some way, the immensity of what nature does reminds us to get it all back into perspective.

Who we are and what we do is important and we do have an impact on the world, but we need to be reminded sometimes that there is more to it than our little piece, and we have to work in accord with the grander plan. We also need to remember that whatever is happening now in our lives, this too will pass, and life goes on.

Homework

  1. What experience of nature has reminded you to regain perspective on your life? Remember it again now
  2. What life event at the time seemed all-consuming, but has now become less important, merely another lesson, when you look back? Reflect on its true perspective in your life.
  3. In what way are you working in accord with the grander plan? Reflect on how you play your part.

 

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What Ride are You Choosing?

By on September 4, 2002 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

 

‘Have we not told you, life should be an adventure? If it were run-of-the-mill, you would have left it a long time ago. You need the sturm and drang, the passion, the highs and lows, to uncover the truth of who you are.

We get so caught up in our everyday lives, we forget what we came here for. See life as a game. It’s a game, it’s fun, it’s a rollercoaster, as we have told you before. It has its highs and lows, ups and downs, all arounds, but ultimately it’s all just a ride.

To find out what that’s all about, stand back and observe – where you get stuck, where you fly, where it scares you, where it exhilarates you, and concentrate on one goal, one goal alone: How does this help me to get to the truth of who I am?

Does it? Or does it get me stuck? Does it increase my fear? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, choose another path, get on a different ride!

There’s a whole fairground of rides. Some people like the rollercoaster, some the waltzers, some like the slow Ferris wheel, some the house of horrors. They are all beautifully different, so if you feel your ride no longer fits or suits you, change to another one! Go sit on the rollercoaster even if it does sometimes scare you.  Or go sit on the roundabout and take it gently.

You are all grown-ups, you have the right to choose what sort of ride you want your life to be. So choose, choose now – and if you don’t like it, stop that ride, get off and go get an easier one for a while.

It’s your choice. You create what is the ride of your life. So create one that suits you, and have the courage to say, “no, this ride no longer suits me. I’ll choose another – I’ll create another life/ride that suits me.” And hey presto, you have the life you always wanted. It’s that easy.

We would say that you will probably get through a lot of rides, because at different times in your life, you will need different things. And eventually you will come to the ride that takes you to the truth of who you are, and once you are on that one, you will never want to come off, because it’s home.

(Thank you to Jo and his angels for this text)

Homework

  1. What sort of a ride are you on at the moment?
  2. Does it suit you right now?
  3. Is it helping you to get to the truth of who you are?
  4. If not, what ride do you fancy?

 

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Thinking Creatively

By on September 4, 2002 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

I have just been on holiday, and I was clear that I had no intention of thinking at all for a couple of weeks! At first, it worked perfectly. My thinking consisted of: am I hungry/thirsty? Do I want to swim? Do I want to read or talk? And because there was nothing I had to do, I found it very refreshing to allow the answer to just come from my own genuine feelings, instead of being influenced by external obligations.

After a while, a strange thing started to happen. Quite unbidden insights would suddenly appear in my head, on all sorts of subjects, work and home related. They were all in the category of creative solutions to issues that had been around for me pre-holiday, but they had required no analysis, no in-depth thinking through on my part.

Since returning home, I have been reflecting on this, and believe that creative thinking comes from a state of being where there is a lack of everyday pressure, and where our conscious attention is on something completely different.

How do we achieve this state of being when we are not able to go off on holiday every couple of weeks?! I propose the following:

1)    Tell yourself what it is that you want to sort out e.g. I want to find an innovative way of presenting this information

2)   Allow yourself some treats to resource yourself – a nice meal, a lie in, a natter with an old friend

3)   Do something which enthrals you and takes all your attention – a jigsaw puzzle, some gardening, a good movie or book, a walk in the fresh air, noticing all the signs of Spring
(Through all of stages 2 and 3 you are not thinking consciously about your issue at all. In fact, if it comes to mind, pay attention to something else)

4)   After you have finalised stage 3, sit down with a pen and paper, and write: I want to find an innovative way to… , and what I could do is… , and just keep writing. You may find you have several ideas. Don’t judge or critique them – just record them

5)   Finally, give yourself something else that feels good – a glass of wine, a night out with friends, – anything which is a reward for your own creativity.

This has worked for me since I came home, a couple of times. Let me know if it works for you!

 

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A Gentle Spring Clean

By on September 4, 2002 in Change, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

The clocks have just gone forward and it is officially British Summer Time – I know it doesn’t feel like it yet!

But it is a good prompt to do some metaphorical spring cleaning – always more fun than the real thing! How do you do this?

Think of some recurring thought you have which makes you feel bad. For example you may think you are not good enough at something, or that someone else has a ‘down’ on you… your brain will already have suggested something to you.

Now take that thought and write it down or make a pictorial representation of it on a piece of paper. And take the paper, destroy it and bin it!!

Once we have literally got rid of the thought, we need to replace it with something more useful to us, something that helps to build our good mood. So find something equivalent, such as: ‘I am good at ….’ Or ‘X really likes me’. Now write that different thought down in bright colours, or again, make a picture to represent it. Stick it to your computer or your desk for a couple of days, and let it soak into your unconscious – and smile whenever you look at it.

You can repeat the process as often as you like – have a good clear-out and start the spring with a joyful heart!

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