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KINDNESS – THE SMARTER WAY TO WORK

You know these days it seems that we are bombarded with images of business as a ruthless place –  it’s dog-eat-dog and survival of the fittest. You only have to look in the media to see what are held up as examples of businessmen and women; it’s arrogant young sales people in ‘The Apprentice’ or those multi-millionaire ruthless entrepreneurs in ‘The Dragon’s Den’. But is this really the best way to do business? At Meta we think there is a better and a smarter way to work, one that builds relationships and creates an environment where everyone can thrive, and it requires just one simple ingredient: KINDNESS.

Think about it for a moment: the places that you have enjoyed work the most, the teams and managers that you loved the most are the ones that valued you, encouraged you, supported you and gave you the opportunity to grow and learn. They were the places where kindness was just the way we did things, where someone was happy to cover you while you went to pick up your kids from school, where someone was happy to help when you were stuck on a report, when someone was there to support you when something went wrong. You see, these acts of kindness are written into our very DNA. We have misunderstood what Darwin meant in his theory of ‘the survival of the fittest’ to mean that we have to look out just for us, that only the most ruthless survive. But actually the ones that have survived through our evolution are those that have worked and co-operated together. We need to get on with those around us in order to succeed!

We understand that in the core of our being, and in our personal lives most of us will be generally kind people. However, for some reason, that doesn’t always translate into our work personas. Maybe it’s because we believe the business myth that we must be ruthless at work in order to progress? However, we believe at Meta that kindness is the smarter way to do work.

Just think about it. If someone abuses his or her authority to make you do something, how do you feel? Will you help them out next time they need you? If someone forces you to do something, because they can, how likely are you to do something for them? If someone is ruthless and self centred, how popular are they in the office? If someone is always playing the political games and stepping over others to get what they want, how likely is it that they have many true friends and allies in the office? If you have a boss that is always picking on what you do wrong and never noticing what you do right, how does that make you feel about them?

You see the ruthless person might get a short-term result but they will not earn the respect and trust from their work colleagues. They damage the long-term relationship for short-term gain. They will always lose out in the end.

And what of kindness? What can kindness do for us?

When we are kind, it creates a kind of domino effect; as we are kind to others, so they will be kind to others. It’s known in scientific terms as the  ‘ripple effect’. It also makes us feel good when we do it. It releases many of the happy chemicals in our brain and makes us and the person we are being kind to feel better. So the more we do it and the more benefit we see, the more likely we are to do it again.

So what do you want your ripple to be today? Do you want to be a force for good? Spread kindness in your workplace?

I don’t think ANY of us want a ruthless and negative workplace. We all want to be respected, valued, supported and developed. We want our team around us to be kind, friendly and we all want to have more fun! So how about we start by being kind? Practice little random acts of kindness – nothing major: helping out a colleague when they are stuck on something, saying thank you a little more often, making the tea, and getting the doughnuts in for the team, being a friendly, supportive ear to a team member, going that extra mile for your customer, sharing your expertise with another.

Its not difficult, and it can make the world of difference. So spread a little kindness in your office and see what it does for you.

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WORKING SMARTER, NOT HARDER

One of the aspects of excellence that we at Meta are particularly interested in at the moment is the concept of working smarter not harder – in fact, we are adopting it as our theme for the website this year.  The phrase has been around for many years, first appearing in business ‘speak’ when the trend became to flatten structures and reduce staffing.  Yet obviously, it has stayed mainly as a concept rather than a reality, since most people are working harder and longer than they ever have.

So what does working smarter really mean?  There are numerous elements to it, which we will be looking at over the coming months.  In essence, it means to work with your natural flow rather than against it.  That natural flow is how we are at our most effective – we even have the phrase ‘being in the flow’, so we obviously know this at some level.

Yet we have learnt to treat ourselves as if we were machines, mechanically going through our tasks, and ignoring all the signs that this doesn’t really work for us – exhaustion, stress, depression, chronic illness and, at best, not being at our optimum.  We are not machines – that is our strength!  We have emotion, intuition and intelligence, which set us apart.  We also have a natural ebb and flow, physically, mentally and emotionally.  And when we work with our own natural flow, we can achieve miracles!

If we recognise that we do not run at a consistent pace, we can begin to work smarter.  We are still designed physically in the same way we were when we were hunter-gatherers.  Our bodies and minds respond best to periods of intense activity – the hunting and gathering – followed by a rest period – feasting, laughing together, resting.  OK, I know that life isn’t like that now, but if we cater to some extent for that natural rhythm, this wonderful adaptable creature called a human being responds by becoming more effective and less exhausted.  By the way, we are called human beings, not human doings!!

Because we have become so used to driving ourselves on, we don’t even notice that we have become less effective until we have reached the stage of non-functioning most of the time, and we even accept that as normal.  It isn’t!  Watch smaller children, left to their own devices.  They are still working to their natural rhythm, being fully engaged and then knowing when to slow down or rest, and running about a lot, then doing something quiet.  And if we allow them to continue their pattern, they seem to have boundless energy!  We could be the same – it’s natural!

So, to begin with, just start noticing when you have pushed yourself on too far: are you just staring at your computer?  Are you no longer hearing what someone is saying to you?  Have you read that same line of that email over and over? Does getting dinner seem like a huge task ahead of you?  Stop, sit quietly, or go for a bit of a walk, and allow yourself a little recovery time.  You’ll be surprised by what a difference it makes!

In the coming months we’ll be doing some more blogs on specific ways in which you can work smarter not harder in the workplace, why? Because right now you are working probably harder than you ever have, and we’d like to help! At Meta we think its time to stop and take a fresh approach to working and we’d like to help support you in making that transition.

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WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE?

When we are caught up in our busy lives, it is easy to forget what really matters.  Out time seems to be eaten up by those never-ending ‘To Do’ lists: targets to achieve, chores to be done, projects to complete and there’s always more to add to the list, no matter how much we get done!  It is depleting, exhausting and we end up malfunctioning in one way or another, because we are not machines, designed to do things, we are human beings, designed to be human!

And what does that mean, to be a human being?  We are a living system within a larger system and our purpose is to live in relationship with ourselves and with others.  Originally when we worked together to achieve common goals, it was to feed, clothe and house ourselves.  We realised that it was easier to achieve these things by co-operating and supporting each other, using our different strengths to play our part, and encouraging each other, so that we would all want to be a part of it.

Our ‘organisations’ are really just groups of people forming a bigger living system, so that they can achieve what they want to achieve more easily.  So why have we forgotten about how to use these systems well, and got caught up in just getting things done?

It’s time we remembered that it is through our relationship with others that we achieve more, it is by taking better care of ourselves that we really utilise our strengths.  It isn’t hard to do, in fact it comes naturally!

So for the next month;

  • Give yourself a break before you are completely exhausted, and just take some breathing space to be.
  • Address the human being you are dealing with before you just ask them to do something.
  • Offer help to others, and
  • Ask for help from others
  • Encourage others to take a breathing space with you

None of this needs to take up much of your time, in fact it will be better use of time than the attempts we make to keep going or look as if we’re keeping going, when we’ve really had enough. Instead of depleting your energy, it will help to re-energise you. When it comes down to it, none of us will want our epitaphs to say: ‘She finished the to-do list!’

 

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USING TECHNOLOGY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

I know this is a strange topic for me to choose – anyone who knows me will know that I am not very technology-minded!  Yet I have been thinking about how powerfully technology can actually help us make a difference, prompted in part by the book ‘Here Comes Everybody’ (see review).

At the same time as email seems to be giving people at work more and more to do and respond to urgently, it is also enabling us to keep easy contact with friends and family who live at a distance.  At the same time as social networking technology enables people to express their trivia to the world, it also enables social movements to build quickly and influence world affairs.

And, on a simpler level, the technology of digital cameras means that my grand-daughter can have a wonderful time taking as many photos as she likes, and practising how to take really good ones, because we can just save the best ones.

I often bemoan the fact that technology makes us its servant, but am reminded again that, when it is technology that is the servant, when we use it well, it can transform our world.

So every time we use technology to easily and quickly lift another’s spirits with our communication, every time we use technology to express our desire for justice, peace, human rights, every time we use technology to bring joy in some form, let’s celebrate it!

And whenever we use technology without good purpose, let’s question it, and ask what else we could do, so that it served us better.

This will reach you through the internet, the world-wide web, which was deliberately established to be an open and free means of global communication.  The original intention was to allow anyone and everyone to have access and to be able to express themselves and communicate with others.  This was based on a belief that, when given that possibility, the best of human behaviour would shine through.  Let’s prove that right!!

 

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BEING FREE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE

You can also listen to a podcast of this Workshop.
[audio:metaspirit_workshop_being_free.mp3|titles=Being free to live your life]
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Life is for the living.

At least that’s what they say. I’m not quite sure who ‘they’ are, but one thing is for sure, there are not many of us who can honestly say that they are free to live the life they want to?

We like to blame circumstance, or others for our life not being how we’d like it to be, but ultimately I feel that the block lies with us. Continue Reading →

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SLOW DOWN!

You can also listen to a podcast of this Workshop

[audio:metahome_podcast_slow_down.MP3|titles=Slow Down!]

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Have you noticed how the days have become a non-stop dash for many of us, much of the time?  We jump out of bed, do our morning ‘stuff’. Hurry to bus or train or car, get to work, and start immediately on the ‘to do’ list.  Even after the daily dash through as much as we can get done at work, we don’t often slow down.  It’s home, tea, maybe more work, the children, and finally we collapse in bed, to have a rest ready for the next daily dash.

Are weekends any better?  Gardens, housework, kids’ activities, socialising, maybe some of the jobs we didn’t get done this week at work – the weekend can easily turn into another list of chores.

Your poor bodies and minds and hearts!!  What happened to us?  We wouldn’t fit in breathing if it wasn’t automatic!!  And we are paying a high price for all this dashing: high blood pressure, bad backs, viruses that knock us flat for days, barely surviving relationships, poor digestion.  It doesn’t even give us real compensatory rewards:  do you ever finish that ‘to do’ list, at home or at work?  Do people praise you and love you for your out-of-control Protestant work ethic?

I know, I know, it’s hard to break the habit; it seems to be what’s expected of us; if I don’t, what might happen?

So my challenge is this: can you find a few spaces in each day to just slow down for a while?

  • How about 5 minutes in the morning, just tasting your breakfast/coffee/tea?
  • How about 10 minutes around lunchtime, just walking slowly and noticing what’s around you?
  • How about 15 minutes when you first get home, sitting quietly or strolling round the garden?
  • How about 20 minutes before bed, just relaxing?

 

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THE STORY OF THE BE PERFECT DRIVER AND THE BE HAPPY DRIVER By Spencer Kirkwood.

This is a story written by one of Meta’s friends. You may recognise the theme! And thank you, Spence!

The Be Perfect driver was a successful driver. Everything he did was as close to perfect as he could make it. Anything that he was asked to achieve, he strived for 100%, even 101%!

A very commendable attitude everyone said.

From very early in the morning until late into the evening, the Be Perfect driver committed his time to his work and to making sure that everyone was “happy” with that work. (He is even writing this at 9.25pm in his lounge!) He knew his job well and his experience was well respected with many of his colleagues and peers.

He always took the time to support others, even when his own workload was heavy – never one to let anyone down. From time to time, he found himself on very tight deadlines which meant that occasionally, his usually high standards slipped a little.

This had an unusual effect on the Be Perfect driver – How could he have let his most precious asset slip?

Was this the point where people found out that he couldn’t do what he said he could?

Even though he said he could, could he do the job?

Now the Be Perfect driver was slipping into confusion, all the perfection was disappearing from his world and being replaced with….Doubt.

This caused the Be Perfect driver to feel less than perfect, in fact he felt as though every part of what he had worked so hard to achieve was being unravelled. People would think that he wasn’t quite as good as they first thought. They would not put so much trust in him in the future. He would slowly but surely be squeezed out.

The Be Perfect driver pulled over into a lay-by to try to figure out how he would fit all the things he had to do into the ever shrinking time line he had AND do them all perfectly.

As he pulled in, he vaguely noticed another similar looking van parked up. Leaning up against the van holding a cup of tea, was a man who looked uncannily like himself only….. better. He wasn’t sure what it was that was better about this other man, only that he looked, well, good!

Now being a man who liked everyone else to be happy, the Be Perfect driver decided to find his best smile and go over and say hello to the other driver.

“Hello” He said in his best voice and with his best smile. “I’m the Be Perfect driver, you look familiar, have we met before”?

The other driver smiled a relaxed and contented smile. “I’m the Be Happy driver” He said.

“We’ve met quite a few times, but mostly just short glimpses these days”

The Be Perfect driver was a little confused at the Be Happy driver’s response. What could he mean, just short glimpses?

“I used to stop here for a cup of tea quite often” Said the Be Perfect driver. “These days though, I just have so many things to do, I barely have time”

“I know” Said the Be Happy driver. “All that training to deliver, then more to design and write AND making sure that it is all up to standard – can’t afford to let the side down. Then there’s the family, and the work to do on the house, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger”.

“But how do you…..” The Be Perfect driver was just about to ask how on earth the Be Happy driver knew all these things about him when the Be Happy driver continued..

“I was just like you, up at the crack of dawn and back at stupid o’clock, missing the kids go to bed and then collapsing in the chair when I got home. One day it all got on top of me and I didn’t know what to do first. I didn’t talk to my wife because it was just boring work stuff and she was busy trying to project manage everything else that was going on.

“Then one day, I went to see a good friend of mine. We weren’t supposed to be talking about my troubles but it just ended up coming out in conversation. As I was talking, I heard myself saying something to my son a few days earlier and it just hit me that I was unhappy. I was trying SO hard to pull everything together and keep everyone happy but all I was achieving was more stress and behaving in a way that was actually making people UN-HAPPY”.

“My friend asked me a fairly simple question. She said that trying for the best result was a good trait but if I could change being perfect to something else, what would I choose?”

I thought for a minute and decided that rather than having a “Be Perfect” driver, I would rather have a “Be Happy” driver”.

“I started to think about all the things that I had to do, all the people I needed to please and all the stress I was piling on myself and my family. Then I asked myself how I could achieve all of these things from a Happy perspective”.

“As I thought about each task, I thought about how I could fit in a little treat to make me feel happy as I worked. I also thought about a bigger treat at the end of each week, just to celebrate what I had achieved, even if I hadn’t managed to do everything. At the beginning I was worried that doing this would mean that my own standards would dip, but guess what – they actually went up! Because I was enjoying what I was doing and letting myself have a little treat every now and then, I was really pleased with the results – And so were other people!”

“It seems that a little time spent making sure YOU are happy has the most wonderful effect on other people. Somehow, I don’t find them asking for so much of my time these days – maybe because what I do for them now is closer to being right the first time. I don’t feel quite as rushed as I used to – maybe because I am enjoying the work” (and looking forward to the treat!)

I enjoyed lying on the floor the other night with both of my daughters sitting on my back while I read them a story – Something I hadn’t done for a while without speed reading and bundling them off to bed so that I could carry on with work”!

The Be Perfect driver was stunned, it was as if someone had just described his life!

He looked at the Be Happy driver for a long time. The more he looked, the more he wanted to look and feel like him.

“Do you think I could do the same as you”? Said the Be Perfect driver.

“Absolutely”. Said the Be Happy driver. “Do you know what makes you happy”?

The Be Perfect driver thought.

“ My kids when they laugh, going to football on Saturday and watching my son, nice cup of tea with milk and two sugars, watching a romantic film with my wife, watching……”

“Okay, okay” Said the Be Happy driver. “Use all of those things and more as your treats. When you don’t have much time, use the short treats, when you have more time, use the longer ones. Enjoy it when you use them”.

The Be Perfect driver looked at his watch.

“Time I was off on the road again”. He said to the Be Happy driver. “Thanks for the chat though and I’m definitely going to use my treats and think more about what makes me happy”.

“One more thing before you go”. Said the Be Happy driver. He drew a big imaginary hoop in the air. Then he grabbed it and passed it to the Be Perfect driver.

“Take this”.

“What is it”?

“Inside that hoop are all the things that make you feel good. Sometimes, when you’re struggling to find “Happy”, throw the hoop on the floor and step in it. Let yourself feel all those good things surround you and fill you up. Once you have topped up with “Happy”, pop the hoop in your pocket and carry on”.

“Thanks”. Said the Be Perfect driver looking a little confused.

Are you coming this way next week”? Asked the Be Happy driver.

“Yes, on Tuesday” Said the Be Perfect driver.

“Stop off for a treat and we’ll talk again. It’s been nice”.

“I will”, said the Be Perfect driver as he turned and walked back to his van, all the time feeling the hoop in his pocket filling up with happiness.

 

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WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

It is easy to be an inspiring leader, full of enthusiasm, when things are going right. It is when things start to go wrong that our true mettle shows through..

When we work with leaders, we find that they really understand the principles of leadership, and have a genuine desire to put them into practice. Yet they slip back into old habits of control and blame when things get tough, back in the workplace.

Why does this happen? Two reasons:

  1. We have all been well trained in the old habits, so they are your default position,. When we have time to think, we can switch on a different behaviour, but when the pressure is on, we have an automatic response.
  2. Other people expect us to behave as we always have done. Even if it is not particularly constructive behaviour, they at least know how to react if we do what we have always done. So if we step out of that, they often try to push us back into the familiar.

So how do we change our habits?

The easiest way to change a habitual behaviour is to consciously practise at regular intervals. So if you say to yourself that this morning is going to be my time for being the excellent leader I know I can be, and set yourself a time limit, it begins to get into the muscle. Don’t make the time too long – then it begins to get strenuous, just like when you take up a new form of exercise, and you will get disheartened.

There is one caution to this – sometimes we slip even when we have made a conscious decision not to, and then we tend to beat ourselves up for it even more than usual! This is not at all helpful, because the way our brain works is that every time we go through an experience again in our memory, we are rehearsing to do the same thing again, so reliving the not so useful behaviour is a great way to train yourself to do it again next time! Instead, just recognise that your behaviour was not what you intended, and run through the scenario as you would have liked to play it. This is excellent training for handling it better next time.

It also really helps if you can find a mentor – someone whom you respect and trust, who is further along on the path to being an excellent leader. Such a person provides the encouragement, advice and support that can make it so much easier to grow yourself.

Most of us don’t suddenly turn into excellent leaders overnight – it takes practice. Go gently with yourself, gradually introducing more and more of the behaviours you want to demonstrate and you will be surprised by how the ‘new you’ begins to grow!

 

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WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH

We are all capable of leading well when times are good, even if we don’t always practise it!  But what happens when times are tough?  These are truly the times that test our mettle as leaders.  Tough times can be two kinds:

  1. When we are personally finding things difficult for whatever reason.
  2. When external circumstances are putting pressure on us.

1.    PERSONAL TOUGH TIMES

Let’s look at the personal aspect first.  We all come across this one!  It can range from a short-term demotivated mood, where you really don’t feel like bothering, to a more generalised feeling of being demoralised or fed up.  As a human being, we are entitled to have fluctuations in mood, confidence and motivation.  As a leader, we need to know how to handle these in such a way that they do not cause damaging effects that make the situation worse.

When I was a college department head, we had a drawer in my filing cabinet that was apparently empty.  I say apparently, because actually, we all used it to vent our frustrations, angers and anxieties.  We would open the draw, and tell it exactly what was on our mind, asking others to leave the room if necessary!  When we had finished, we would give it a short burst of air freshener or aromatherapy oil to ‘clear the air’ ready for the next one!  This is one way of satisfying the first need – to express whatever it is you’re feeling.  You can use writing it down, telling a confidante – a trusted friend – or even a filing cabinet drawer!!

Then we need to have techniques to help ourselves to change our state, and help us to get some perspective.  Going for a walk, remembering times when we have felt good about ourselves and our work, and finding something to laugh about all helps.

Finally we need to minimise the situation that will make us feel worse, and maximise those that will make us fell better.  For example we may delay the difficult appraisal interview by a week, and instead talk with one of our most motivated members of staff.  Or we may just clear that damn back log of mails to deal with, so we can feel a sense of achievement!  What we are looking for are the situations which will increase our motivation and perspective, by reminding us of the good bits, and those which will give us a feeling of success.

2.    EXTERNAL TOUGH TIMES

When the toughness comes from external circumstances, we may need to start by getting ourselves feeling ok, using some of the techniques suggested above.  This is because we need to be able to set the example of how to react, and we can only do this when we feel good.

Often we have a knee-jerk reaction to tough times.  We make rash, short-term decisions, and don’t consider the wider context.  We also frequently forget our values, and look for fixes without considering the consequences.  If we are in a good state, we can take a more fruitful alternative route to decide what we are going to do.

We obviously need to face the situation.  This is best done on your own, or with a team of trusted colleagues first.  Begin by reminding yourselves of what your organisation stands for: your purpose, your values.  Ensure that you remember that your people are not objects, they are human beings, and how you treat them now will have an effect in the future.

Then the questions to ask are:

  • What are the likely and possible scenarios?
  • How can we handle them as well as possible?
  • What influence can we bring to bear to optimise the possibilities?
  • What are the most useful actions to take now?

We all want our leaders to have wisdom, and use their experience well, particularly when times are tough.  You know what would motivate you to do your damnedest to help in tough times.  I know, for me, that I want some straight talking – not pretending everything will be ok – and then I want some constructive thought through things we can all do.  Offer your people something they can act on, and the majority will.  They will certainly respect you as a leader and support you, rather than adding to your problems.

Tough times are bound to happen.  It’s the nature of the dynamics of human beings and organisations.  If we have a ‘tough times’ strategy, we can continue to enhance our abilities as an excellent leader.  Don’t wait for them to happen – start planning your strategy now!!

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MAKING WORK MORE FUN

I have been reading the latest book by Ricardo Semler, and amongst the many themes it has reminded me of is the one of making work fun.

It is so easy for work to become tedious, the same old round of meetings, discussions, decisions, actions, email clearing etc. This problem is intensified for us as leaders, because not only do we suffer from it, we also have the people who work for us suffering from it as well.

Of course all the tedious things have to be done – well, some of them anyway. But that doesn’t mean that we have to find them tedious. We can choose to scatter rewards for ourselves in amongst the boring tasks – a walk, a quite cup of coffee, a chat with someone, and a job we really want to do.

We can also check out that list of tedious jobs. Are they all really necessary? We often develop a set of routines that are habit rather than necessity, and a check once in a while on the purpose of what we are doing may lead us to remove the task from our list.

Some of the things we do are because we don’t trust people enough. We give them things to do, then check that they know they have to do it, then ask them to report on their progress at regular intervals, and sometimes we still do some of it ourselves because we are not sure that they will do it right.

So how about daring to trust others to get on with things. You may come across the odd failure’ if you do this, but weigh that against the time and effort you could save!

And this brings us to how you can offset the dangers of boredom in your people. One way is to trust them to do something. When we have full responsibility for something, it tends to be more inspiring than when we are given detailed task lists.

Another way is to dare to allow them to manage their boredom themselves. In the same way that you will function better and achieve more if you make work more fun for yourself, your people will make their day work better and produce more, if given permission to do so.

Semler talks about treating people as grown-ups. It requires trusting people to be responsible, and to achieve while giving them the freedom to make their work life work for them as individuals. It might sound risky, but doesn’t it also sound like common sense?

 

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