BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

By on March 7, 2003 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves! We have all been well-trained in being critical, and we are great at turning that ability on ourselves. So we notice what we haven’t done rather than what we have done in a day, or we beat ourselves up for saying the wrong thing instead of remembering how often we say the right thing.

I bet you not only criticise yourself, you also sometimes reject praise or compliments by running yourself down! I know I can say things like, ‘ Oh it’s really someone else’s idea’, or ‘ no, I don’t look good today – your eyesight is obviously not as good as it was!’ This is not just insulting to the complimenter, it is also a less than useful message to yourself.

All this is telling ourselves that we are no good, and that is a lousy message to give anyone! So I want you to consider another possibility. Just for a while, imagine that you are your best friend. I bet the description of you would be different if they gave it! Friends are kinder to us than we are to ourselves, and they set us a good example of how we deserve to be treated. When we are treated kindly, we don’t get arrogant, we get even nicer! It reminds us of us at our best, and helps us to be like that more often.

So why not decide to be your own best friend for the rest of the month?

Homework

  1. Spend a few minutes describing your characteristics as if you were your own best friend.
  2. At the end of each day, find something to praise yourself about
  3. Next time you criticise yourself, remind yourself to be kind to you!
  4. Dare to give yourself a present for being such a lovely person!

 

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VITALITY

By on March 6, 2003 in health+well being, Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Resourcing yourself, Ways of thinking

The sun is shining this morning as I write this, and if I were a child, I would know that it was a wonderful day.

Yet as an adult, my view of the moment is coloured by all the other things I am told about how the world is working, through the news, magazines etc. so rather than celebrate the glorious day, I can easily get caught up in the difficulties and doom and gloom and forget to just live today.

Who has it right??

It seems that we normally need a life threatening event to wake us up to the beauty of the moment by moment of life, but there is no rule that I know of that says that we have to wait for something traumatic to be able to really appreciate and delight in being alive.

When I was little, I went to Sunday school, and I can still remember being told that I should count my blessings each day. What a lovely concept! And over the years, I have come to understand how useful that can be. We always have a choice: to moan about all the things that are wring, for us personally and in the world in general, or to count our blessings. Which makes me feel better? Which makes me more able to handle whatever comes my way? The answer seems so obvious!

I went to see Bruce Springsteen perform this week. I had a bad back, and could have made it worse by standing in a stadium with thousands of others. But I knew better. I knew that there are few better cures for feeling miserable than to go and be inspired by the sheer joie de vivre of this performer! For three hours, I danced, sung and laughed with delight, as he took us on a journey of celebrating being alive.

As Bruce would say: ‘ How can we get this thing started? Let’s have a party!’ So come on, count your blessings and celebrate being alive!

Homework

  1. Stop for a moment and count your blessings today
  2. Find four things to delight in today
  3. Give yourself a present today
  4. Do this every day for a month, no matter what is going on in your life

 

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THE EXCELLENT CONDUCTOR

By on February 10, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Leadership

I have just been to see Daniel Barenboim conducting the Berlin StadtsKapelle playing two Brahms symphonies. What a wonderful experience!

It is so much more than listening to a great performance of a great piece of music. It led me to wonder if those who speak of a great leader as being like being a great conductor have considered the full depth of the ways in which seeing people like Barenboim can enrich our view of what the leader really is.

Of course, there is the obvious piece about enabling the different parts of the orchestra to play together and between them, with their differences, create something wonderful.

But there is more than that. We watched Barenboim stand back sometimes, because they were working perfectly without him. Then sometimes he would take the energy and raise the level, or blend it in a different dynamic, or bring the parts together to make a whole. He would encourage some to play with more heart, and quiet others to let the glory of one piece stand out. And all this and more was done with the minimum of intervention, using what was already there and building on it.

In order to achieve this, we assume that he works with the orchestra members outside the performance, encouraging them, forging relationships with them, inspiring them with a passion for the music, so that during the performance, there is only the need for tiny reminders.

He also set the tone for how to be in the situation. He came on stage, dignified, and very present and calm. Both audience and orchestra knew from the start that this would be wonderful, because his quiet assurance told us so. He also received the applause with grace, acknowledging every section of the audience for their feedback, and ensuring that they gave recognition to those who had played their part outstandingly, by getting different individuals from every part of the orchestra to stand up and take a bow. He valued everyone, in the audience and the orchestra, yet gave some a special thank you for their contribution.

I sat entranced, and realised how we may blithely state that a great leader is like the conductor of an orchestra, yet most of us do not remind ourselves of what a rich metaphor that really is. As a conductor, Daniel Barenboim is outstanding and recognised. As a role model for a great leader, he is excellent and powerful.

Why not treat yourself and go to a classical concert in the next few months? You can enhance your leadership skills while enjoying an inherently enriching experience.

 

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FREEFORM WRITING

By on February 10, 2003 in creativity, Self awareness

When I was at University, doing my Contemporary Arts BA Degree, we were exposed to many different ways of expressing yourself. We were shown many different ways to access our creativity. One such tool we were given was freeform writing. Freeform writing has many names; Creative Writing, Free Writing, Spontaneous Writing, Speed Writing. Its name has many variations, but it is essentially the same – writing without thinking about it.

The idea is that you just put pen to paper and begin to write, not editing any of what you put down, just allowing to flow and ebb as your thoughts flow and ebb. It is a great way to get stuff out of your head and a great way to brainstorm ideas, by allowing them free expression. To further the brainstorming idea, why not select a topic and Freeform write on that topic?

When you have a creative block, sometimes this can be a useful tool to help vent some of the frustration and work past the block, by accessing not only your conscious but unconscious creativity too. Freeform writing every morning as soon as you wake up can be a good way to access the creative visions of your dreams..

Not only is freeform writing useful for creativity, but I find it incredibly useful for emptying the mind of unwanted thoughts. In fact this is where I use this process most! When you are having difficulty sleeping or you have many negative thoughts in your head that are getting you down, just let rip on a piece of paper, just get all the nasty stuff out! Once you feel that you have emptied your brain of all the ‘stuff’ then throw the paper away, and hopefully you’ll feel a little better and sleep more peacefully!

Homework

Try your hand at freeform writing

  1. Always have a little notepad with you – to capture starting points for freeform writing
  2. Using these starting topics spend two full minutes writing everything you can about the topic – don’t edit anything, if your hand stops writing, stop and try another topic
  3. Keep a notepad by your bed – to capture the weird and wild creativity of your dreams, just 3 minutes as you wake up each day
  4. Spend 10 minutes a week just writing anything down that comes into your head – don’t edit it! Just allow it to flow, it may well look like nonsense but in it could be some gems of creative wisdom!
  5. When you are experiencing a creative block – use freeform writing to write out all the angst and maybe tap into some unconscious creativity!
  6. When you are emotionally low, or your head is just full of ‘stuff’, maybe you have difficulty sleeping – use freeform writing to clear your head, write it all down, then throw it away, don’t re-read it or it will start you off thinking again!

 

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TAKING STOCK…. IN AN INSPIRING WAY!!

By on February 10, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Ways of thinking

This month’s workshop is about taking stock. I don’t know about you, but I am very good at reviewing, targets, goals, objectives and ultimately my work plan. It’s a necessary process and what I have found over the past couple of years is that my tendency can often be to notice what was missing last year, and what do I need to change to make it better.
I often find it to be a bit of challenge, and what gets lost is what I did actually accomplish.
So this workshop is focused on taking stock with inspiration, doing the same process but actually really seeing and owning what I have achieved, so that I can walk away with a real sense of purpose and renewed enthusiasm.
I suggest taking a blank sheet of paper or a notebook to write down any insights or thoughts that occur to you as you complete these exercises. Have fun!!!
1. List out the areas in your work that are the most important to you. (for example, financial success, relationships, contribution, etc.,)
Take this list and prioritise it.
2. Spend a few moments and write down 3 accomplishments in each area, and be specific. An accomplishment is something that you know for you or another person made a difference. It does not need to be a big thing, it just needs to be important to you.
3. Ok now the fun part… tell at least 1 person about them. This is very important, why? because we all deep down love to be recognised and to know that what we do makes a difference. Actually telling another person allows you to really own it.
4. Now review your list and assess what do I want to keep doing, what do I want to take out and what can I replace it with.
5. Complete the process by writing down 1 specific goal and 1 specific accomplishment for each area that you identified in step 1.
Make sure that you share these with at least 1 other person.
Review the list every 6- 8 weeks to check your progress.

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MAGIC

By on February 1, 2003 in health+well being, Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

I was given a book by the magician David Blaine a while ago, and have found it an irresistible read. I was already fascinated by him because he seems to do magic in a different way to any I have seen before. His book both confirms that belief and explains some of the reasons why.

It has made me think about what magic really is. I have always loved the idea of magic, but been disappointed by the tricks that are usually called by that name. They seem to demean something very special that for me is linked to things like fairies, wizards and the things we classify as miracles. I feel that true magic has a positive effect in some way, and will make us question what we think is possible.

At one stage, the word became a popular way of saying that something was special, or exciting and that felt like a good use of it…

Over Christmas, did you see the face of a child filled with wonder at the magic of Father Christmas? Did you wish that you could experience the magic of those first snowflakes settling on the ground?

We forget to notice the simple everyday magic that surrounds us: the skyscapes on a clear winter’s day, the dew in a spider’s web, the excited grin on a child’s face, the birth of another special human being, the sense of wonder at the amazing world we live in, filled with amazing people.

Homework

  1. Where do you see everyday magic?
  2. What magic can you create for others and for yourself?

 

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IMPROVING TEAM MEETINGS

By on January 10, 2003 in Excellent organisations, Leadership

I have struggled over the years to get team meetings to work well.  There have always been some inherent conflicts I have never really managed to balance.  Whether to allow the conversation to flow freely or to keep strictly to time, when I knew that digressions would often lead to moments of inspiration.  How to keep the whole team interested, when I was keen to understand how each of my team were doing.  Over the years, I tended to vary the format, as it became stale, or as the excuses for non-attendance grew.  Yet, the “right formula” remained elusive.

When I think about the best meetings I have had, as opposed to analysing what’s going wrong, I get a different picture.  In these meetings, people are engaged; the conversation flows and laughter can be heard.  I realise that it is not about having a repeatable formula.  It is about team members feeling engaged as a true member of a real team.  The “chemistry” happens not due to a formula, but when they have been working on something that interests him or her and when they feel their contribution has been useful and valued.

Those meetings finish naturally, not when the chairman says so.  People leave invigorated and refreshed, not relieved or depressed.  The team are re-united and strong again.  The buzz of the meeting often continues into the corridors and onwards to the vending machine.

I have also come to realise that I always had my interests at the front of my mind.  I needed to understand what my managers were doing, what issues they had, where they needed my help or the help of others.  On reflection, they should have been called “my meetings” not “team meetings”, as they were really there to ensure I felt fully informed and in control.

How different it could have been if I really trusted them to do their jobs and used the team meetings as a way of harnessing their collective skills and energies.  So, if you run team meetings in a conventional way and they feel somewhat stale or sterile, this month’s workshop is to encourage you to think differently about them – to make them truly “team meetings”.

Ask yourself whether you are using team meetings for your own ends e.g. as a means of keeping you better informed or for exercising control.  If so, are there other ways of achieving this (as you are not using people’s time effectively!) e.g. making better use of one-to-one meetings.

  1. Choose a single agenda item where you could usefully use the team to collectively resolve.  Ideally choose something where everyone has some level of personal interest in the outcome.
  2. If possible, use an experienced facilitator to guide the meeting, capturing key points.  This allows you, as team leader, to contribute alongside others, rather than to direct the discussions.
  3. Step back and enjoy the interaction and energy as the team starts to work together, resisting the tendency to take control or act as timekeeper.
  4. Recognise when the energy level naturally subsides, resisting the temptation to complete the task, but allowing it to come a useful resting place.  Then spend a little time reviewing where you are, what needs to be done next and agree a time for getting together again.

I tend to measure the effectiveness of such meetings by the amount of laughter heard and by how easily people can magically find space in their diaries when they are looking forward to something!

We have been following this approach in our team meetings at Meta, when we realised a few months ago we were falling into the “formula trap”.  We have had some inspired sessions and our meetings are far more enjoyable.  They now feel like proper “team meetings”.

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IT’S KID’S STUFF!

By on January 10, 2003 in creativity, Living fully

This is a story from my childhood, and since my mum tells it best I’ll allow her to tell you it:

“Jo came home from school one day rather upset because he had got a bad mark for his drawing. I asked him what he had been drawing, and he pulled out his picture to show me. It was a banana. He looked at it and at me and said tearfully, “My teacher said that I should have coloured it yellow – but that’s not really true is it mum?” Jo had coloured his banana green, yellow, orange, brown and black. I agreed with him that bananas could be all these colours and tried to explain to him that adults forget to look properly. I eventually worked out how to make it right: We gave him A+ for his picture and his teacher, D- for her mark! “

This month’s workshop is about children’s creativity, and how we, as grown-ups can play with it!

I had no doubt that that banana was all those colours, and I drew what I saw – green, black, brown, orange and yellow – but narrow-minded, non-imaginative teachers teach us that bananas are yellow, oranges, orange apples, green etc. We are taught not to believe what our imaginations tell us we see – we are taught an adult view of the world. Incidentally, adult literally means to spoil, and has the same root as adulterate and adultery, hence our preferred word here at Meta – grown-ups.

As a child, our imagination is absolutely as real as the ‘real world’ we see with our eyes. I remember being at a house where my then girlfriend was an au-pair to two young kids. They were playing – with absolutely no toys or props, simply their imaginations.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked naively,

‘What does it look like?’ answered the boy somewhat incredulously. ‘I’m selling plums from my market stall!!’

Kids’ imaginations fill their drawings and creations. I don’t know about you, but my imagination has been somewhat dulled by an education that severely lacked any! And  by the ‘real world’ of being an adult and all the responsibilities that entails. Wouldn’t it be nice to dream and create like children again – allow ourselves the time to play and daydream!

This month’s workshop challenges you to play like children, no real fancy props needed, just your imagination and whatever you find around you. After all, kids can create with virtually anything – Blue Peter is a testament to that!

Homework – (or PLAY..or FUN..)

Here are a few suggestions for helping you to regress to childhood and enjoy some child-like play and creation..

It is important to remember that when a child creates, everything it does is perfect, there’s no such thing as a bad drawing or a ‘I can’t do this’..

  1. Paper and pens and squiggly lines (You know what I mean – and if anyone asks, just tell them it’s a banana or something equally obscure..)
  2. Crayons – go play with crayons: houses with smoke coming out the chimney, I can see it now.
  3. Tissue paper – remember those Easter cards you made at school?
  4. Glitter and glue and pasta shapes
  5. Making cards for people – let your imagination run wild
  6. Drawing people – draw your friends’ portraits, capture their essence, like a child would – accuracy not required
  7. Finger painting – go on, get dirty!
  8. Face painting – what a perfect party ice-breaker!
  9. Paper mache – balloons out, wallpaper paste at the ready!
  10. Spray painting – straws and lots of watery paints and of course, some puff!

 

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THE TROUBLE WITH MONEY

By on January 3, 2003 in emotional intelligence, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

Do you ever worry about not having enough money?  For living, for that holiday, for retirement ……  I know, I can sometimes get caught in the scarcity fears – by the way, if you don’t, please let us know your “secret”?!!

Yet I know that when I think poor, I am poor, and when I think abundance, I notice abundance.  Does this make any sense to you?

We are taught to regard money as the means of being wealthy in our culture, and also to always feel as if we don’t have enough.

Yet we live in an abundant world, where happiness comes from snowdrops flowering, not from money in the bank.  Snowdrops herald the arrival of Spring, first signs of new growth. Money in the bank causes us anxiety, as interest rates go down and it loses value even when we have it.

What would happen if we decided to be rich and enjoy the abundance of the world, instead of worrying about money?  Maybe then it would be put back into perspective.  It’s one of many forms of energy that we can share in.  Perhaps if we paid attention to some of the others, we would reduce the fear, and allow the money we need to come our way!

Just as the fear of losing a relationship can often be enough to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps the fear of not having enough money is the reason why so many of us seem to not have enough!

Why not experiment with putting money worries to one side for a month and instead enjoy the abundance of new growth in Spring, laughter with friends and the exuberance of children?

Homework :

  1. Buy yourself a small present to make you smile, no matter how poor you feel this month.
  2. Notice what makes you happy that doesn’t require money.
  3. Bless what money you do have and then give a little of it away!

 

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BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN YOURSELF

By on December 11, 2002 in Living fully, Resourcing yourself, Ways of thinking

When was the last time you felt really good about yourself? It is so easy to be self-damning, and so much harder to be self-congratulatory! And somehow in our culture we think that it is a good thing to run ourselves down. I can remember as a small child being told that just because I was a good speller didn’t mean that I should get bigheaded – but I wasn’t! I was just proud of my ability to spell…

Those who make the best of themselves know intuitively that they need to build on their strengths to get even better. They notice their own good points, and see how they can use these to enhance their not so good points. Just as we all thrive on positive feedback from others, we also thrive on positive feedback from ourselves!

So this month, why don’t you start giving yourself some feedback!

Homework

  1. List 10 things you are really good at. It doesn’t matter what they are – work-related or personal
  2. Each day notice 1 thing you do well and remind yourself of how you did it
  3. When someone thanks you for something, or gives you positive feedback, don’t dismiss it – say thank you and revel in it!
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