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GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION

By on August 8, 2010 in Meta Org Blog, Resourcing yourself, Ways of thinking

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For many years, Meta has been giving others permission to be themselves to make themselves feel good, to take better care of themselves, to trust their intuition. I consider it one of the more valuable things that we do, as all of us suffer from the need to know it’s OK to do things we have learnt are generally not allowed, for whatever stupid reason.

When we were born, it seemed obvious to us that we should choose how we wanted to be, and what we wanted to do, following our hearts. Then we learned that the world doesn’t work like that, we incorporated the should’s and ought’s into our way of talking and thinking, and lost sight of our own unconscious wisdom.

How many times do you say to yourself: ‘I shouldn’t really…’ or ‘I’ve got to…’ or ‘I’d better just…’ – there are endless variations on the theme! And what they all do is deprive ourselves of what we really want to do, and push us on with our obligations, or at the very least, make us feel guilty for still following our hearts.

What would happen if we decided to turn this on its head, and find a myriad of ways of giving ourselves permission? We could say to ourselves: ‘I deserve to…’, ‘I have done enough to be able to….’, ‘I really feel like… so I will….’, ‘It’s OK if I …’ – again the list can go on and on.

It seems to me that it is time that we all took responsibility for giving ourselves that permission. And I started, as we all have to, with myself. Although sometimes quite good at it, I realised that there were still a lot of ‘should’s’ driving me on, particularly around work. So I have been paying more attention to when the ‘should’s’ drop into my thinking, and asking myself what I would rather do.

And I am finding that giving myself permission to stop, to do something I really feel like doing, to follow my heart, is having a radical effect on my life – in a good way. Strangely, more gets done more easily, even though I take more breaks from the tasks, and put my feeling ahead of my rationality. And I am happier, and I have more energy – what is going on?

I feel that the experiment is far enough along to begin to encourage others to adopt the same experiment. So why not have a go at giving yourself more permission just to be how you are, to follow your feelings, and to challenge some of those times when you are driving yourself along.

We would encourage our friends to be kinder to themselves if we saw them exhausting themselves or forcing themselves on, so be your own best friend for just a while, and do notice what the effects are…

 

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POSITIVE NEWS

By on July 1, 2007 in Ways of thinking

Every 2 months I receive a newspaper called Positive News. In it, there is news about peace initiatives, ecological breakthroughs and good practice, ethical businesses – the opposite of what is generally called news!

I find that it helps me to keep the depressing ‘reality’ in perspective, and reminds me that it is not that there is nothing good going on in the world, but that we have forgotten how, as a culture to delight in the good news, because we mostly don’t hear about it.

Once upon a time, news was community-based. The village or small town would know primarily what was happening in its own locality. Then, there would be the mixture of good news and bad, and people would both delight in the good and feel sad or cross about the bad. This type of communication still exists in some places, as well as the global awareness. For example, when my partner left, several people in the village spoke sympathetically of my situation to me. And when I sold my house very quickly and easily, several people made the effort to stop me and congratulate me.

This balanced awareness of what’s happening is useful to all of us, and it is not beyond our reach. Within the worlds we work in, we can ensure that both good news and bad is communicated and reacted to. I don’t think that we need to work on the spreading of bad news – that seems to be endemic! So let’s balance it, by actively promoting the good news – celebrating personal and organisational successes, and reminding ourselves that much of life and much of human behaviour is good news!

 

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Living The Dream

By on September 5, 2006 in Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

There are so many reasons why we can’t live our dreams, aren’t there! I am too old, too young, have too many responsibilities, haven’t got enough money, – we can always think of lots of good reasons… Somehow we create these lists so much more easily than the list of reasons why we should go for our dream now, rather than waiting, or even not doing it at all.

How sad! We have been well trained by our culture to believe that dreams are something that most people cannot fulfil, and we end up accepting with resignation that we are one of the ‘most people’.

Over the last month or so, I have been prompted to bring one of my dreams closer to reality, and to begin the process of making it happen. I had fallen into the trap of ‘knowing’ that I had to wait for an unspecified while longer, before I could have my dream, and therefore doing nothing about it, rather than looking to see what was really possible now, and at least starting the movement towards it.

Going for my dream may like life a little more complicated for a while, and at the same time, it has given me a new impetus and enthusiasm which will help me to both take some steps towards the dream and do what I already do as well as I can.

So I thought it might be useful to just remind ourselves of some of the elements that make it possible to go for living the dream.

  1. Clarify the dream, and if it really doesn’t seem possible immediately, clarify some steps towards it that you could bring into your life.
  2. Put that dream into language that says it will happen, rather than I might, e.g. ‘I am going to…’ rather than ‘I would like to…’.
  3. Find one small step you can take that would tell you that you are taking your dream seriously. It may be researching something to do with your dream, so that it is no longer just a fantasy, or beginning something that will take a while to come to fruition.
  4. Put aside a short period of time each week to devote to your dream – whatever seems manageable, so long as it is at least an hour.
  5. Find some allies, people, books, films, anything that will encourage you when you get a bit stuck.
  6. Take small steps to make it real, and praise yourself every time you do – and use your allies to support you in that praise.

Your dream doesn’t have to be ‘grand’ – it may be just to improve some element of your present life to the point where it really makes you happy. It is amazing what is possible once we begin the journey, and how much more energised we feel when we are doing something about really living our lives as we want to, rather than putting up with our lives as they are.

Whatever your dream is, do start living it now!

 

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How is your world today?

By on July 7, 2006 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

This morning the world feels good to me. All my useful beliefs are running well, and I feel able to do anything that comes my way, and bring the things I want my way. Mornings like this are lovely, because I am more effective, happier, and just good!!

So why aren’t they all like this? I have the evidence that this attitude works well for me, and for those around me, yet I still slip into old habits of feeling the pressure, and running less than useful beliefs about it. And I am one of the lucky ones – I have more freedom to do my work the way I want to than most, and also do work that I really love and care about.

We are so well trained into the belief that things are how they are, that we don’t make a choice about how they are, but simply have to put up with it. Most of us have heard it all our lives!

We need to be constantly reminded that we do have a choice, and that overall, life is good, if we want to live by our own set of rules. I find it useful to have tapes, cd’s, books that remind me, and to take a little taste every day. It is also useful to have some people that you can contact when you are slipping, who will hep you to remember that there is another way.

And finally, it is vital to forgive ourselves when we do slip – beating ourselves up only perpetuates the bad feelings. So next time you realise that you have forgotten to choose to make your life feel good, congratulate yourself, and laugh and have another go!

So, how is your world today? If it’s crap, remind yourself that it doesn’t have to be, laugh, and start again. If it feels good, delight in it, and use it well – you have come past that age old conditioning yet again – how excellent!

 

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Possibilities

By on March 4, 2006 in Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

There is a basic tenet in Eastern Philosophies around being in the present moment.  And we can believe we are living to this when we caught up in our everyday stuff.  Yet there is an important distinction we need to be aware of.

When we are “caught up” in the everyday, we are on automatic, following historical habits of reaction, or thinking.  We are doing the moment, not being in the moment.

When we are truly here now, it is a spacious place, full of possibility.  We have choices about how we react, how we proceed, what we do next, how we think about things.

This is when everything is open to possibility.  Instead of saying “this must come next,” we can say, “what shall I do next?”  Instead of saying,”It’s obvious,” we can say, “what are the possibilities?”

This spaciousness of the moment offers us several very valuable gifts.

  • A release from habitual thinking and doing
  • A break from historical assumptions
  • A sense of controlling our own destiny
  • A broader view of our future

We can apply it to “big stuff” – times of transition in our lives, and we can also get the habit of taking that break by applying it to the “small stuff”- the rush into the next task on the list, the move from duties at work to duties at home.  It takes us a breathspace to move into being in the moment, and a breathspace to recognise we have choices, and one more breathspace to make a choice that is more comfortable and uses possibility instead of necessity as the driver.

Can you spare 3 breathspaces once in  a while in your busy life, to enhance your possibilities? Have a go, and see how much richer life can be, with such a simple application of being in the moment!!

 

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What Matters

By on March 2, 2006 in emotional intelligence, Living fully, Meta Org Blog, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

It is so easy to get worked up about the little things in life – the weather, lost keys etc. I know that I can drive myself to distraction at times over the petty irritations of life! Yet in the overall scheme of things, a lost key is replaceable, the weather will be different tomorrow…

So much more important in our lives are things like the love we give to and receive from family and friends, how healthy we feel, how much happiness and enjoyment we can find in our everyday lives.

And these things are much more within our control. We can choose to give love, we can take good care of ourselves to optimise our health, and we can create happiness and enjoyment out of the simple pleasures of being alive.

So ask yourself today: ‘How am I enhancing the things that really matter in my life?’, and use your response to the question to prompt you to pay attention to the things that really matter!

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Giving and Taking

By on January 12, 2006 in Meta Org Blog, Ways of thinking

We tend to think that people divide into two camps – the givers and the takers – and each camp sees the other as wrong in some way. The givers think that the takers are selfish, the takers think that the givers are stupid! So I like the prompt I received from a friend to consider being both a giver and a taker!

It makes so much more sense to be both. There is a balance in it that is healthy and caters for our differing emotional needs – to be kind and to look after ourselves.

And what was the prompt? Well, we were talking about global warming – as you do! – and what we did and could do about playing our part in making a positive difference. We got on to recycling, and I said that it offended me to throw things away that were perfectly useable, but that no charities wanted, such as electrical goods. Gwynne then told me about the freecycle organisation, and gave me the website address. What a brilliant idea! There are branches in every area, so you can ‘go local’, and you advertise there anything you want to get rid of, and look for things you want. The rules are simple – basically, everything is free!

I love the idea of someone finding my throwaway useful, and me finding replacements for free. And over time it balances itself out – you can get what you want from someone and give someone else what you don’t want, and the circle goes around.

As a principle for life, this one appeals to me generally. It is always worth giving to someone, because someone else will give to you at some point, and the person you gave to will give to another – it all goes around. I like to think that I do live by this in a general sense – and now I have found another way of doing the same thing and contributing to reducing global warming at the same time – brilliant!

At a time when we spend so much money on ‘stuff’, much of which is just not really necessary or even desired, it feels like a useful reminder that we can take a different approach…

 

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THE ‘NOT ENOUGH’ SYNDROME

By on September 8, 2005 in Living fully, Ways of thinking

I have had a lovely week this week: I have spent time with friends that I love and haven’t seen for a while, I have been working with people I really enjoy working with, and I have seen a wonderful art exhibition as a special treat. There are also all the everyday miracles: my cat is now well, the vegetables from my garden are delicious, the sun has warmed me, the rain has watered my garden for me, and lots of things have made me laugh. And this is an ordinary week, which also had some not so good moments.

Like all of us, I can look at this week in a lot of different ways, depending on my mood, and the things that have affected me most. Yet culturally, we are trained to notice more of the everyday lacks and irritations, rather than the delights and abundances. So it takes a conscious effort to choose to view our world and our lives as abundant and pleasurable.

When I switch on my tv, I am shown all the things I don’t have, and what is wrong with others and myself, how we are all not good enough, how we all don’t have enough. When I ask people how they are, they tend to tell me the things that are not right, with them or the world. It is the ‘not enough’ syndrome gone mad! Not done enough work, not got enough money, not been kind enough to others ( or ourselves!), not good enough at what I do – the list goes on and on.

And yes, there are many areas where we are not as good as we might be, where the world is not as good as it might be, where we feel lacks, in ourselves, in others, in the world. Yet there are also many moments of abundance, when we are just lovely, when others are kind and delightful, when the world shows its wonder rather than its horror.

When we pay attention to what’s wrong or lacking, we make ourselves feel bad, and risk missing the opportunities for miracles to occur. It doesn’t help us to live our lives well, because it sends us back into the sort of mood that perpetuates the feeling of lack and wrongness.

This is not about wearing rose-tinted spectacles – we don’t have to pretend that everything is rosy, and nothing is wrong. We can recognise the bad bits, without getting caught by them. If we are going to get caught on something, let’s get caught on the good bits! They will help us keep a good frame of mind, so we can deal with the bad bits more constructively, and they will remind us to keep the bad bits in perspective.

Why not join me for a few days in choosing to notice the gifts of your life, the everyday miracles that occur. We may not need to change the world, just view it differently!

 

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KEEPING PERSPECTIVE

By on March 8, 2005 in Resourcing yourself, Self awareness, Ways of thinking

I am suffering from a bad back, and have been literally handicapped in carrying on with my ordinary life. I can’t lift anything, walk properly, stand up and sit down easily, and it has really made me realise how many good things we take for granted in our lives.

There are many simple everyday things that we don’t even think about, like being able to get a drink when we want one, being able to nip to the shops when we run out of something, having friends we can contact by phone. Can you imagine your life without these abilities?

And in attempting to stay independent, I have probably made my problem worse, when in fact there were lots of people willing to help, if only I had asked earlier.

I have been reminded that there are more important things than those we often wish we had, or those which we feel driven to achieve. And I have been reminded that people will help if they can, and we don’t have to try and manage on our own. And I thought I would pass the reminders on!

So during today, just notice:

  • All the things you can do for yourself and be independent in
  • All the things you have available to you that a refugee in a camp would be delighted by
  • All the people who are friendly towards you and willing to help, should you need it

And notice what frustrates you, what irritates you and what is driving you. Are they really so important?

Life isn’t usually an emergency, and when we appreciate what we do have, maybe the rest of it will stay more in perspective!

 

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THE ENCHANTED LOOM

By on July 11, 2003 in creativity, Ways of thinking

There are many theories about how our brains work and how we learn!

Have you ever heard anyone say – “I’m a ‘left brain’ learner because I tend to learn best by using words, logic, numbers and systems”.  Others might say “I’m a ‘right brain’ learner because I use colour, imagination, rhythm and view things holistically when I learn”.

Without wanting to get bogged down in theoretical detail (and I know this is very much simplified), considering the brain in this way, divides it into two exclusive boxes with connectivity in the middle.

However, the other day I came across the most wonderful description of the human brain, which I wanted to share with you:

“The human brain is an enchanted loom, where millions of flashing shuttles weave a dissolving pattern, always a meaningful pattern, though never an abiding one, a shifting harmony of sub patterns.  It is as if the Milky Way entered upon some cosmic dance”.

Sir Charles Sherrington

I began to imagine my brain as a huge room, filled with millions of brightly coloured looms some silently weaving the most wonderful patterns and textures into carpets and rugs and jumpers, some making music as they created……….

Can you imagine looking through a telescope and seeing all of the billions of stars in the Milky Way dancing with each other?

For me, considering how our minds might work in this way, made me realise the infinite possibilities and amazing creative potential that we have.

Homework

Consider your brain/mind as an enchanted loom.

What would your loom look like?
How would your enchanted loom work for you when you learn?

For example, could you ask your loom a question and see what it produces?

Play with the enchanted loom.  See what it produces for you.

 

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